I have blogged here about my struggle with getting pregnant. Matt and I have wished for a baby for quite a few years now, but still don't have a baby to add to our little family. It's something we pray about all the time, and we really do have faith that God will bring us children someday.
I always fantasize about how we will tell our family we are pregnant. One of my favorite fantasies is one where we announce it at the big family Christmas gathering. I imagine us giving my grandmother a gift that reveals our news like a framed sonogram picture, and as she opens it and realizes what it means, everyone explodes with excitement for us. I can't even picture it in my head without tearing up a bit, and I know that if it were to actually happen, I would be bawling like a baby.
This is the fourth Christmas that we have wished to make an announcement like this, but have been unable to. Someday I'm sure we'll be able to reveal the expansion of our family, but every Christmas that goes by until then, I can't help but feel sad that it's not time yet.
Our niece slept with us last night, and as I laid there watching her sleep, I couldn't help but wish that we had one just like her. If we had been able to conceive when we first started trying, our child would be around Kamryn's age. I watch her grow, and I fall in love with her over and over again...and I wonder what our life would be like if we had a little cousin for her.
Sorry for such a sad post so close to Christmas. I am actually feeling quite upbeat about Christmas this year, but I did have this moment of sadness last night (and early this morning) that I wanted to share. Maybe no one reads my sad blogs, but it sure feels good to put it out there, ya know?
Regardless of whether I have a child or not, I'm not letting my sadness cloak the importance of this season. While I yearn for a baby to call my own, I know that many years ago a baby came call me His, and THAT is what Christmas is all about.
Merry Christmas to each of you. May you know who you are and WHOSE you are...