Friday, April 23, 2010

Can you be a Christian and gay???

Matt and I just finished watching Jennifer Knapp on Larry King Live. The premise of the show was "Can you be Christian and gay?" Jennifer has recently revealed publicly that she has been in a serious relationship with a woman for the past 7 or 8 years - confirming rumors that have been swirling about for the better part of the last decade.

First, I want to say that I have LONG been a fan of Jennifer Knapp. I remember seeing her for the first time many years ago when she opened for DC Talk in Indianapolis. I had never heard her music before, but as soon as she came on stage, I was instantly taken. Her music is powerful, but her lyrics are even more so. That woman can really string some words together! Her sound is raw and soulful, and her songs have always seemed to speak to my life in a very real and authentic way. I always get the feeling that Jennifer is who she is - no apologies. Through her music she seems to be so honest in both her praise of her savior and her questions about her faith. It's a beautiful thing...

I am surprised to see her on Larry King Live. I know her public revelation about her sexuality has really become big news, but I guess I always feel as though "Christian" artists are quickly disregarded by the mainstream. I suppose it's a good thing that this topic is becoming more and more prevalent though.

I have never watched Larry King before, and let me say this: I WILL NEVER WATCH AGAIN. He is so bad about interrupting people! It was really frustrating to watch. Plus, how many breaks do we really need in one hour? I joked with Matt that he must be having prostate issues because of all the potty breaks he was taking. (That's so mean...but it's funny, right? Just kidding...prostate issues aren't funny.) Besides the interrupting and the breaks, he really seems to only hear what he wants to hear. He would totally twist people's words into something dramatic to try to cause conflict. I'm sure that stirring up drama is good for his ratings, but it's rude and dishonest. I felt like a skeez just watching that show (and I watch some crazy TV people!).

I became a Christian when I was 16 years old, and have been struggling with the issue of homosexuality ever since. Someone who I love very much is gay, so right away the question of whether homosexuality is a sin was addressed in my soul. I have to say that 14 years later, that question remains unanswered. Now, I have not spent scads of time debating and researching and praying about this or anything. It's just always something that's in the back of my mind, and it comes out to stretch its limbs once in a while. As I have continued in my life as a Christian, I have met and loved others who are gay or who question the sinfulness of homosexuality. I have had some really enlightening, inspired conversations with these people, but I still have yet to make up my mind about it. The question still remains for me: What does God think about homosexuality?

The question I want to raise tonight is this: Can you be a gay Christian?

I am a follower of Christ. In an attempt to be totally open and real with you, I will tell you that I sin in a myriad of ways. I could list them, but I won't. These sins are either being dealt with now or have been already. The victory has been won either way, and that is between me and God. What I will tell you is this: My sins - past, present or future - do not keep me from loving God or receiving his love, grace, mercy or salvation. I fully understand that sin separates us from God, but I also understand that Christ came to bridge that gap my sin created. By accepting Christ into my life, and by continuing to seek forgiveness and redemption every day, I now enjoy an awesome relationship with my creator.

I am a heterosexual woman, married to a man. Not once in my life as a Christian (or before for that matter) has it occurred to me that my sexuality has anything to do with whether or not I can give love to or receive love from God. I know that God has created marriage, and that he created sex within marriage to be a gift. Trust me - I appreciate that on a fairly regular basis! ;) I don't know that if I were a homosexual woman in a serious relationship with another woman that my relationship with God would be much different. I just don't see how my sexual orientation blocks out the love and salvation that God has for me. Obviously I am only speculating. Maybe things would be totally different. I will never know.

What I do know is that GOD LOVES US ALL. Gay or straight. White or black. Male or female. American or not. Let's not get all caught up on who is a sinner and who isn't, because WE ALL ARE! Instead, let's get caught up in loving one another and supporting each other in our walk. There's so much more that needs our attention folks. Satan is at work among us, and he's using crap like this to divide us even more. Kick him in the face and love the crap out of each other!

What do you think?

(P.S. Jennifer? You are FABULOUS! So glad you're back!)

Monday, April 05, 2010

Another miscarriage...

It's been months since I posted last, so if you only know me through this blog then you don't know that I found out March 17th that I was pregnant. We found out today that the pregnancy is not viable, and I should be miscarrying any day now.

My hormone levels just weren't what they needed to be, so my doctor scheduled an ultrasound for this morning. I should be 8 weeks along, but there was nothing on the ultrasound. No sac. No baby. No nothing.

We're so sad, but hopeful for next time. I should begin bleeding in a few days as my body gets rid of whatever is there. Once I have a normal period, I will start Clomid again with some hormone therapy. The doctor is so optimistic, so that helps give us hope. Plus, he is a Christian man who prays for and with us and who shares his faith with his patients. I feel like I'm really cared for well.

Losing this pregnancy feels so different from our first miscarriage. Last summer we had multiple ultrasounds where we were able to see the baby moving and thriving - heart beating and everything. This time we didn't have that. We know that a baby didn't actually form this time, so although it's sad that this pregnancy isn't going to work out, we really don't feel as though a life has been lost - just the possibility of one.

Thanks for all your prayers...this is so hard for us to understand, but we know that God is looking after us.