Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Heavy Heart

Sigh...I want to write something meaningful and heartfelt, but I'm spent. My heart has been heavy the past couple of days, because my boss' wife is dying. It's only a matter of days...

She's had pancreatic cancer for just over a year now, and that is not a good cancer to have (not than any cancer is "good"). There is just nothing more the doctors can do. My boss is usually emotionally stable, so it was pretty hard to watch him cry at my desk this afternoon telling me all that has happened in the past few days. I didn't know what else to do...I just sat there and cried with him. I feel so helpless. It's my job to make things easier for him, but this time there is nothing I can do.

Sometimes I just don't understand this life we live. It's filled with so much pain and despair, and it's hard to see the good things peeking through the black cloud that's created by that sadness we feel. I'm praying hard tonight that God helps me understand just a little more about the chaos that we live in. And I'm praying even harder for a miracle...

2 comments:

Andrea said...

Thanks for sharing that, Katie. I agree that it can be so difficult to face so much pain...to LIVE in it.

I remember taking Romans (almost two years ago now--hard to believe!) and just how much I got out of studying that book because I have been thinking about these kinds of topics a lot. Some of the most profound things I got out of the Romans class:

1. We do still live in a fallen world. It's hard because we also experience SOME of the goodness of new creation...but it's not complete yet. We are still waiting for God to fully redeem all things--and that is something that CREATION groans for right along with us:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies" (Rom. 8:18-23).

2. Living in a fallen world means that sometimes we DON'T know what to pray for because we don't always know how God will be most glorified. Dr. Dongell gave an example that really impacted me: as you know, his wife has been ill for sometime, and it has been a very difficult battle. At the same time, over the past few years, his family has immensely grown in ways they could never have imagined and that never would have happened aside from his wife's illness. Now...that is NOT to say that God is pleased by death and sickness. However, it IS to say that God truly does work through all things for the good of those who love him.

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Rom. 8:24-28).

I don't think these kinds of situations are easy from any perspective; I imagine that is why religions like Buddhism strive to eliminate all suffering from existence and why Christian Science denies that evil and suffering REALLY exist.

On the other hand, I have found some much hope in studying Scripture. Because not only is suffering not God's intention for humanity, it will also be eradicated when death and the grave are thrown into the lake of fire and he restores all things.

As John the Revelator cries, Come, Lord Jesus, come! (How fitting for Advent.)

Alison said...

What a hard journey to walk with someone. You boss is a blessed man to have such an amazing employee by his side during it all. Praying for peace for all.