I don't usually post blogs like this, but what the heck? I love music and words, so go figure - God speaks to me through song lyrics. I just love this song, and I'd love to get some feedback from you all on it. I was folding laundry today and this song came around on the old shuffle order. It just had to stop and listen to it again.
Wedding Dress, by Derek Webb
If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need
or is there more I’m looking for
and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want
I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you
So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood
Because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife
God is just so amazing, isn't He? I'm constantly amazed at all the ways he reveals himself to us. Before I got married (4 years and 2 days ago), I never really got the whole "Bride/Groom" thing. Then on my wedding day, it suddenly made sense! Here I was: a young, naive bride walking down the aisle (the longest aisle in the world too - I swear!) to an unknown future. It's no wonder people freak out and leave people at the altar. It can be really scary! But you know what? I never once thought of running anywhere but to Matt's side. I was (and still am) so in love with Matt, that I would go anywhere (even to Kentucky!) and do anything just to be near him. Every step I took towards him that hot, July afternoon 4 years ago was a step towards a future I was clueless about. The only thing I knew is that we would be there together. I couldn't get down that aisle fast enough! Still today when I look at my wedding ring, I remember the love and trust and excitement I had that day. It's exhilirating!
I think that's how we should be with God, and now that I'm married I think I understand that's what God has been trying to tell us through all this Bride/Groom stuff. Matt and I have been here in Wilmore for over 3 years now, preparing for ministry. For so long we have had the goal of just getting through; of having a somewhat normal marriage even while we work and study and go; of trying to keep our eyes on God to remind us why we have sacrificed to much to be here. Finally graduation is just around the corner. May 19th of next year he will have his degree, and (hopefully) he will be comissioned to a church. Suddenly I am nothing but anxious. Am I prepared? Do I know everything I need to know about being a pastor's wife? Where will we live? Who will our friends be? What about kids? Will we be near our family? Suddenly I find myself wanting to stay here in Wilmore for a few more years while at the same time being so excited to get back to Indiana, I can hardly stand it. What gives?
The Spirit met me here at my computer and smacked me with conviction. Shame on me for not trusting God whole-heartedly. When has He ever given me reason to doubt Him? When has He ever NOT provided for us? He has always provided enough money, enough friends, enough food, enough friends to give us food when we didn't have money, enough health, enough strength for each moment, enough family that loves us, enough, enough, enough! Shame on me for not recognizing that God has given me a wedding ring too. He has promised to do what is best for me, to provide all I need, to be with me even when I'm not sure about where we're going. Shame on me for trusting my husband more than I trust my Lord, my Savior, my true Groom.
Yes, I am still nervous about next summer. I am only human, after all. This is what Matt and I have been preparing for the past 7 years. I knew when we got engaged that ministry was in sight, and here we are at the cusp of all we have planned for. So, with Matt by my side and God looking after us, all I can say is bring it on...