40 by 40

My 30th birthday is just over one week from right now. I haven't feared this milestone until just recently. I mean, 30 isn't THAT old. When I'm honest with myself, it's really not the number that affects me. Instead, it's the things I thought I would have accomplished by the time I reached this point that cause me to pause with mild disappointment.

I know that life is a continuous string of days and events, but for some reason this impending birthday seems to be a do-over point. Much like New Year's Day to the 10th degree. I can reset my clocks, wipe the slate clean, start my life anew. This is silly because of course I can do these things at any point. It just seems like now is the perfect time to do it. Maybe my poor health lately makes me feel like age is more than just a number. Maybe it's wisdom settling into my bones a bit more now that I'm (almost) not a witless 20-something. Maybe it's regret I feel over some things left undone in my 20's. In any case, I felt strongly to come up with a list of 40 things I want to have accomplished/seen/done by the time I'm 40. It occurs to me now that I left off a lot of altruistic items like, "see doctors cure cancer" or "world peace finally attained." I guess I assume everyone wants those things. These things are just for me. I must note that I fully retain the right to change this list on a whim any time I please.

Katie’s 40 by 40
(not in any order)

1. Visit Disney World
2. Go on a culinary tour of Italy
3. Go on a culinary tour of Paris
4. Take a cruise vacation
5. Pay off all my debt
6. Be at a healthy weight
7. Eat more whole, organic, locally-grown foods
8. Read 12 books per year OR 120 books by the time I’m 40
9. Be in the habit of working out at least 15 minutes daily
10. Find a hair cut that I love
11. Understand baseball
12. Get a great camera and learn how to use it well
13. Learn to play piano
14. Learn to play guitar
15. Learn Spanish
16. Read the bible from start to finish
17. Improve my complexion
18. Start a great ministry
19. See everyone in my family come to know and love Christ
20. Stop cursing
21. Be known for a dish that I make
22. See these artists perform live (again or for the first time): Neil Young, Van Morrison, Emmylou Harris, Metallica, Marc Broussard, (to be continued/added to)
23. Live in New York City – even if for just one year
24. Go to Las Vegas with my Grandma Alice at least one more time
25. Learn to bake like my mom
26. Learn to be rebellious like my dad (to a point!)
27. Become a mother (either by birth or adoption or surrogacy)
28. Find a beer that I enjoy drinking
29. Learn to bake bread
30. Create things that people love so much, they would pay money for them
31. Decorate my home well
32. Have a great garden
33. Finish at least one more cross-stitch project
34. Catalog family photos with my dad
35. Enjoy one last good conversation with Grandma Jordan.
36. Worry less
37. Rent a beach house with my family for an awesome vacation
38. See the ruins in Greece
39. Go on a genealogy tour of Holland, Germany and the British Isles
40. Be on The Price is Right

There. If I can do those things, I'll be at perfect peace and happiness, right? :)

Ten years is a long time to cross these things off my list. As I look at all of these items, I have to think of some things that will probably happen during the next decade:

1. Tayla and Damon will graduate high school, and may even marry and/or have kids
2. Kamryn and Clarissa will be in high school: dating, learning to drive, getting grounded and turning into women
3. Harrison will be here, and will be a tall, lanky 10 year old
4. Grandma Jordan will probably have passed away - one of the great saints of my life. (She's 99 now, if she's alive in 10 years, someone please call Willard Scott!)
5. My parents will continue to age - hopefully well.
6. My brother may marry a wonderful woman that fits right in to our crazy family
7. One or more of our pets will probably die.
8. We may move once, twice, 5 times! Who knows?
9. If I remain in my current job, I will have at least one change in bosses.

Some things will continue to be the same though:

1. Tragedy will continue to strike.
2. Happiness will continue to prevail.
3. Matt and I will continue to love each other strongly and deeply.
4. God will continue to be sovereign.

Life is an exciting journey, and after the craziness I've been through lately, I just have to say that I'm so glad to still be traveling this road.

FOOD with Katie

Just a quick note to tell you that I am starting a new food blog! I'm not sure how long it will last or how interesting it will be, but for now I'm really into it! You can check it out here:


http://foodwithkatie.wordpress.com

Inner Beauty?

"I don't believe that inner beauty is sufficient in this cruel world. That's the pap one tells a child. I don't believe that positive thinking improves your skin tone or that loving or being loved changes the shape of your nose or restores the thickness and color of hair, but I do know that there is a way of being beautiful, even as age takes its toll, that has something to do with the spirit filling with joy, something to do with the union with another human being, with the sense of having done well at something enormously important, like making happy a man who has made you happy often enough."
-Anne Roiphe

It's 9:00 - do you know where your JOY is?

oh HAI! Remember me? Yeah, me either. It's been a little crazy around here the past couple months - heck, the past 12 months! Another day I'll fill you in, but today I need to speak about JOY.

Last week one of my veryverybest friends (seriously - one of those besties that you have once or twice in a LIFETIME) got to tell me that she was PREGNANT! I immediately started to cry, because it's AWESOME news, and well, let's face it - I'm over emotional ALL THE TIME. I mean, LOOK AT ALL THE CAPS EMOTING ON THIS PAGE! We've been super close since we met in 8th grade, and we've lived a lot of life together. It's amazing to share this JOY with her as she prepares for the birth of her first child!

We talked about how they found out, how they told their family members, how her folks reacted, etc. She mentioned that her older sister was upset. Sister says she's upset because she was the last of the siblings to find out (on a technicality - but someone has to be last, right?). What Sister is not telling Friend is that she's upset because of how easy it was for Friend to get pregnant. Sister shuts down and sulks when Friend's pregnancy is mentioned.

I get it a little - Sister has had some serious issues with her own fertility. After a LOT of work, she has one child and another on the way. Bringing these lives into the world has been a struggle for Sister. I UNDERSTAND HOW PAINFUL THAT IS! I totally get how much it hurts to want a child to add to your family and not be able to make it happen. How your ovulation is always on your mind, you schedule sex as if it were your job, and every time you turn around another friend is pregnant, holding babies, posting pictures of kids, etc. I really know the searing pain of knowing your period has come once again, signaling your continued failure in the baby-making department. I even know the pain (physical and emotional) of losing babies you were fortunate enough to make - just not fortunate enough to hold in this lifetime. I get it. It's HARD. It feels lonely and desperate. It HURTS.

BUT - with all of that said, I have to say that I can't imagine how much more it would hurt for me to miss the JOY around me. The world is PREGNANT with hope! My friends (and sister!) are PREGNANT with new life! I refuse to let my fertility issues rape me of the JOY that is to be experienced as my family is expanded through my sister, my cousins, my best friends. Every one of those babies has an amazing purpose, and I get to be a part of it! Isn't that exciting?

Someday Matt and I will have children of our own - either through childbirth or adoption. When that happens, I know all these other women will support me and share my JOY with me. Until then, I am not allowing my hurt to get the best of me. I will do everything to have JOY when there is new life to be born!

Can you be a Christian and gay???

Matt and I just finished watching Jennifer Knapp on Larry King Live. The premise of the show was "Can you be Christian and gay?" Jennifer has recently revealed publicly that she has been in a serious relationship with a woman for the past 7 or 8 years - confirming rumors that have been swirling about for the better part of the last decade.

First, I want to say that I have LONG been a fan of Jennifer Knapp. I remember seeing her for the first time many years ago when she opened for DC Talk in Indianapolis. I had never heard her music before, but as soon as she came on stage, I was instantly taken. Her music is powerful, but her lyrics are even more so. That woman can really string some words together! Her sound is raw and soulful, and her songs have always seemed to speak to my life in a very real and authentic way. I always get the feeling that Jennifer is who she is - no apologies. Through her music she seems to be so honest in both her praise of her savior and her questions about her faith. It's a beautiful thing...

I am surprised to see her on Larry King Live. I know her public revelation about her sexuality has really become big news, but I guess I always feel as though "Christian" artists are quickly disregarded by the mainstream. I suppose it's a good thing that this topic is becoming more and more prevalent though.

I have never watched Larry King before, and let me say this: I WILL NEVER WATCH AGAIN. He is so bad about interrupting people! It was really frustrating to watch. Plus, how many breaks do we really need in one hour? I joked with Matt that he must be having prostate issues because of all the potty breaks he was taking. (That's so mean...but it's funny, right? Just kidding...prostate issues aren't funny.) Besides the interrupting and the breaks, he really seems to only hear what he wants to hear. He would totally twist people's words into something dramatic to try to cause conflict. I'm sure that stirring up drama is good for his ratings, but it's rude and dishonest. I felt like a skeez just watching that show (and I watch some crazy TV people!).

I became a Christian when I was 16 years old, and have been struggling with the issue of homosexuality ever since. Someone who I love very much is gay, so right away the question of whether homosexuality is a sin was addressed in my soul. I have to say that 14 years later, that question remains unanswered. Now, I have not spent scads of time debating and researching and praying about this or anything. It's just always something that's in the back of my mind, and it comes out to stretch its limbs once in a while. As I have continued in my life as a Christian, I have met and loved others who are gay or who question the sinfulness of homosexuality. I have had some really enlightening, inspired conversations with these people, but I still have yet to make up my mind about it. The question still remains for me: What does God think about homosexuality?

The question I want to raise tonight is this: Can you be a gay Christian?

I am a follower of Christ. In an attempt to be totally open and real with you, I will tell you that I sin in a myriad of ways. I could list them, but I won't. These sins are either being dealt with now or have been already. The victory has been won either way, and that is between me and God. What I will tell you is this: My sins - past, present or future - do not keep me from loving God or receiving his love, grace, mercy or salvation. I fully understand that sin separates us from God, but I also understand that Christ came to bridge that gap my sin created. By accepting Christ into my life, and by continuing to seek forgiveness and redemption every day, I now enjoy an awesome relationship with my creator.

I am a heterosexual woman, married to a man. Not once in my life as a Christian (or before for that matter) has it occurred to me that my sexuality has anything to do with whether or not I can give love to or receive love from God. I know that God has created marriage, and that he created sex within marriage to be a gift. Trust me - I appreciate that on a fairly regular basis! ;) I don't know that if I were a homosexual woman in a serious relationship with another woman that my relationship with God would be much different. I just don't see how my sexual orientation blocks out the love and salvation that God has for me. Obviously I am only speculating. Maybe things would be totally different. I will never know.

What I do know is that GOD LOVES US ALL. Gay or straight. White or black. Male or female. American or not. Let's not get all caught up on who is a sinner and who isn't, because WE ALL ARE! Instead, let's get caught up in loving one another and supporting each other in our walk. There's so much more that needs our attention folks. Satan is at work among us, and he's using crap like this to divide us even more. Kick him in the face and love the crap out of each other!

What do you think?

(P.S. Jennifer? You are FABULOUS! So glad you're back!)

Another miscarriage...

It's been months since I posted last, so if you only know me through this blog then you don't know that I found out March 17th that I was pregnant. We found out today that the pregnancy is not viable, and I should be miscarrying any day now.

My hormone levels just weren't what they needed to be, so my doctor scheduled an ultrasound for this morning. I should be 8 weeks along, but there was nothing on the ultrasound. No sac. No baby. No nothing.

We're so sad, but hopeful for next time. I should begin bleeding in a few days as my body gets rid of whatever is there. Once I have a normal period, I will start Clomid again with some hormone therapy. The doctor is so optimistic, so that helps give us hope. Plus, he is a Christian man who prays for and with us and who shares his faith with his patients. I feel like I'm really cared for well.

Losing this pregnancy feels so different from our first miscarriage. Last summer we had multiple ultrasounds where we were able to see the baby moving and thriving - heart beating and everything. This time we didn't have that. We know that a baby didn't actually form this time, so although it's sad that this pregnancy isn't going to work out, we really don't feel as though a life has been lost - just the possibility of one.

Thanks for all your prayers...this is so hard for us to understand, but we know that God is looking after us.

"same old song when things go wrong..."

I knew I hadn't blogged in a while, but I didn't realize it had been over two months. I know that no one reads this blog as a way to fill some sort of void in their life, so I really don't NEED to apologize for being gone for so long. I feel like I should apologize though. I can't explain it. I think I do that a lot - apologize. Anyway, whether I need to do it or not, I'm apologizing for being gone for so long.

Apologizing for not writing makes me a little sick. I usually love to write, and this blog was a place for me to do that. Whether I was writing about nail polish or losing our baby or music or whatever, blogging made me feel like I was connecting to that person that lives inside of myself - like she was finally getting to say all those things she was thinking. Knowing that she has not had that opportunity for quite some time makes me feel sad for her. And knowing that it's entirely possible that I won't blog again for a few more months makes that apology I just made up there seem trite.

It's the same old song when things go wrong (right Dad?), and when things go wrong with me, I suddenly drop the things I love. For MONTHS I have neglected writing, reading, cooking...all things I love intensely. It's as if I have simply lost the inspiration to do any of these activities. I have been working, cleaning house, watching TV and playing video games. That's about it. Looking back, I realize what a sad little existence I've been having lately, and I hate it.

Christmas was a blur. It was my worst Christmas ever, and I think it has everything to do with the fact that I knew deep inside that this should have been one of the best Christmases ever. I should have been very pregnant at Christmas, and instead my uterus reminded me day after day that it was empty. I thank God for my sister, who came to my rescue one Tuesday, and helped me get a jump start on cleaning my house for a church party we were hosting later that week. Her motivation to help me ignited the little bit of Christmas spirit that I had and it fueled me to get the house taken care of, presents wrapped, etc. I (hope) that Christmas came and went without my family realizing how miserable I was, but even if they didn't I guess the cat's out of the bag now. Oh well, it's over now. Maybe this Christmas will be better.

Some of my misery has a little to do with the increased hormones that are raging through my body. In December I started taking Clomid again, this time with Dexamethasone, a steroid that has been shown to increase fertility in some women when taken with Clomid. In December I took 50 mgs of Clomid. This month I am taking 100 mgs of Clomid, and next month (if I'm not pregnant) I will be taking 150 mgs. These meds, coupled with "coupling" obviously, should get me pregnant again. My new doctor is VERY optimistic, but I can't help feeling unsure. I am hopeful, but it seems like for a lot of my life, I am always waiting for that other shoe to drop. I can't help but think, "Okay, so we get pregnant. What if we lose THIS baby too?" The thought hurts me so much, I can't bear to think about it.

The pain that I have endured since August 11th is nothing short of monumental. Those first couple of days I kept getting comments from people about how strong I was, about how my faith was sustaining me, about how inspiring my attitude was. Looking back now, I think I was in shock over it all, and God's peace stepped in and allowed me to coast for a while. Since the reality of it all has sunk in, life just seems to suck a little. I close in on our due date, and I can't help but think about my friends who are due around the same time I was. I dread getting those calls from them to let me know their babies are here, safe and sound. I love them (and their babies) dearly, but will I be able to hold it together for them? Or will I break down in tears on the phone? I don't know...and I don't know how to prepare for it. I don't know how to prepare myself for February 26th either. Should we do something special, or just treat it like it's another day?

I can't help but get mad at God a little now and then about this whole mess. I mean, it took us almost 4 years to get pregnant to begin with. Shouldn't I have been able to keep the one baby we were actually able to conceive? Doesn't He see how unfair this is? Doesn't He know how much it hurts to lose a child? (Oh wait...yeah He does.) It just sucks. It sucks knowing that I can so easily turn my hurt and anger on God when I profess so much to have such great faith in Him.

5 months after our miscarriage, I am still hurting, and I can't help but wonder if the pain will ever go away. It must, right? I read blogs by women who have lost babies before, and their hurt seems to have been greatly diminished. I wonder, though, if that's because they have children to hold and raise after the fact. What if I never get that? What if I never have a child to call my own? Will this pain just sit in my chest throbbing for my whole life? I hope I never have to find out.

Having a baby just seems like the easiest thing in the world to do, and here I am, totally unable (so far) to accomplish this task. People who are totally unable and unfit to be parents do it all the time. Why can't I? Just doesn't seem right...but maybe that's a little self-righteous of me. I'm not perfect...just a little desperate I suppose.

So that's where I am. Yesterday at this time I was having a great weekend. We entertained (twice!) this weekend, the house was clean, I was cooking. It was great! Then last night as we laid down to go to sleep, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This grief just shows up out of nowhere, and smacks me down. And with one fell swoop, a great weekend ends with sobbing in bed, wrapped up in Matt's arms as he tries to console me. It's a big job, being married to me, and he's pretty great at it. I am so thankful for him.

I want to update you on things in my life though. Like my job, the new business my family and I are trying to get off the ground, etc. This just doesn't seem like the post for it though. I'll check back in soon...

It is what it is...

Matt and I were going to spend the day running errands and having fun. Church bazaar, bank, license plates, shopping, movie, dinner...it was going to be wonderful. I seem to love days like that more and more lately. If I'm out and about I don't have to think about how I'm feeling and what's really happening in this broken heart of mine.

I look back over the past three months, and realize that my spending has gotten out of control; my house is out of control; I AM OUT OF CONTROL. I haven't been returning phone calls. I procrastinate more than usual. I don't keep up with my housework. I hardly ever cook. My mind is always looking for something to do whether it's paint my nails a new color, rearrange a room, read a book or play a video game. Everything in me seems to not want to sit still and just be.

Sometimes I find myself surprised at the memories of our pregnancy and miscarriage. I think that I have taken the easy way out, and convinced myself that they never happened at all. I think I have tried to just rewind my mind to the time when we were having trouble getting pregnant. At times I'd much rather be there than here - on the other side where grief is waiting to take over.

A good friend came to stay with us for a couple days this week. She is pregnant with a baby that is due to be born just over a week after Squooshy was due. I tried to mentally prepare myself for her visit. I knew it would be difficult to see her knowing that I would be right around where she is in her pregnancy. She is so easy to talk to about the little things, the big things, the hard things, the fun things...it was really great to be with her! We definitely didn't avoid talking about our babies. We talked a lot about both of our experiences, and were able to cry together and laugh together over all that these pregnancies have brought into our lives. We shopped for her little Nugget, and we found some great maternity clothes for her. I was so proud of myself for keeping my emotions in check, and was definitely sad to see her go yesterday.

Today I woke up to Mother Nature's more-than-clear (thankyouverymuch) sign that I am not pregnant. We left this morning to start our day-of-fun, and started with the license branch. After our short visit there, I told Matt that I needed to run back home to get some "supplies" for my present physical condition. He decided to balance the checkbook while I took care of my business. He quickly came to the conclusion that we should probably just stay home today. Our finances are tight. I've spend three months indulging in retail therapy, and it's quickly catching up with us. It had to happen sooner or later, right? Someday I was actually going to have to face my life instead of run from it.

We have plenty of things here to keep us entertained: video games, board games, books, DVD's, etc. We could even work on the house or take a walk (it's a beautiful day here). I don't want to do any of it. I keep saying that I'm bored, but I think the truth is that I'm feeling depressed today. I've spent a lot of time avoiding myself these past few months, and now I am running out of places to hide.

I'm not sure what to do now that I've admitted this to myself (and to the rest of you). I thought that writing this down would make me feel a little better, but it hasn't. Maybe all we can do is pray...

Almost Paradise...

Today would have been my Grandpa Chet’s 85^th birthday. He’s been gone for 22 years now, yet sadness still seems to wash over me when I think about him. I was young when he passed, but I remember loving every minute I got to spend with him.

The song “Almost Paradise” from Footloose always reminds me of Grandpa. He once told my mom that it was the only “rock” song he ever liked! As I was listening to music during my long commute this morning, “Almost Paradise” came around on the iPod. I immediately remembered that today was Grandpa’s birthday, and wanted to spend some time remembering him...

• I remember spending the night with Grandma Alice and Grandpa Chet. They had a huge bed! My parents only had a double bed, so it was a special treat to spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa and get to sleep in the “Super Bed!” I think it was a king bed…it felt like it took up the entire room! I remember what the house smelled like as we got up in the morning and started getting ready. It was the perfect combination of a fresh shower, toothpaste and brewing coffee. Their house was right near a Dunkin Donuts, and I remember Grandpa bringing home blueberry cake donuts for us.
• I remember watching game shows like The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune with my Grandparents. I seem to remember Grandpa especially liking Wheel of Fortune…I think he had a thing for Vanna White!
• Grandma and Grandpa used to have these chairs at their dining room table that were brown leather, no armrests, and they SPUN! I would love sitting in those chairs, and having Grandpa spin me around and around and around!
• I think Grandpa really loved sweets, because he was always spoiling us with cookies and candy! Those Keebler fudge covered cookies always remind me of him.
  
• Grandpa was a car salesman – Oldsmobiles for as long as I could remember, although I’m sure he sold others earlier in his life. I remember visiting his dealership, and getting Chicklets out of the gum machine!
• Grandpa ALWAYS had a camera! I remember him with his camcorder and Polaroid. We loved that Polaroid – we couldn’t wait to shake those pictures! He must have loved his family so much to want to capture us all on film all the time.
• I remember going shopping with him one day. I think we were at the mall, because I remember the store we were in as a department store. I found a sweater that I really liked, and he bought it for me. I was in 1^st grade when he died, and I kept that sweater until I was at least in 5^th grade. I couldn’t bear to get rid of it. He was such a generous man.
• I remember the day that he died. I was home with Dad, and Kelly and Robert (who were 4 and 1) were playing in Robert's playpen. I answered the phone when it rang, and sensed immediately that something was wrong. Mom was on the other end of the line asking for Dad. I remember refusing to let her talk to him until she told me what was wrong. I cried and cried when she finally told me, and I remember feeling upset with Kelly because she didn't seem to notice that I was crying.
  

We all miss Grandpa. We talk about him often at family gatherings. There is a portrait of him in my Grandma’s house that looks over us all as we celebrate Christmas and birthdays. He has been gone for a long time, and I am sad that so many of my younger cousins never got to be with him. It occurs to me now, though, that Grandpa still lives on with us…through us. My mother has his jubilant spirit and dedicated work ethic. My aunts Gwen and Gayle have his generosity. My uncle Dan has his quick, infectious smile, and my aunts Janice and Janine have his fun-loving attitude. Grandpa may be gone, but he is definitely not forgotten.

Some of my family members read this blog. If you’re here today, please take a minute to share some of your favorite Chet memories! Let’s remember him today…

UPDATED TO INCLUDE FACEBOOK COMMENTS FROM MY FAMILY:

• • 

    Gayle Richards Disbro

    Katie, that was such a beautiful tribute to dad. You got me tearing up again. YOU are such a beautiful person and he would be sooo proud of you. Yes, I miss him and talk with him every day in my prayers. I believe he is still here with us all.
    I see a lot of him in all of us. I liked how you distributed his special traits in all of us. He had so many.
    SPECIAL TIMES WITH DAD -- Sandy Beach, Easter Sundays, Christmas, Birthdays, New Year's Eve, Lunch at L. S. Ayres, Lunch at Allison Gas Turbine, Lunch at Rolls Royce, Lunch at Dick Hunt Chevrolet & Accapoco Joe's, Boydens Bakery, Richards Reunions, Teaching me to water ski, Drive-in Movies, Going to State Fair in a Pink Surrey with a Fringe on Top, AND MOSTLY, EVERYDAY LIFE WITH HIM!!
    Much Love Dad!
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
    Gayle

    October 19, 2009 at 10:31am ·
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    Gwen Richards White

    Katie, that was such a wonderful tribute to Dad....but it is hard for me to write with tears in my eyes as I think about him today on his 85th birthday! There is so much that I remember about him & I could write on forever. He truly loved his family & adored our beautiful mother! I just wish my grandchildren would have had the opportunity to spend time with him. Some of the things I remember most were his love of boating & the water; how he always brought home sweets & shared them with us; teaching me how to drive but not until I was 18; standing at the door when I came home late from a date; sitting at the table in the late evenings eating crackers in milk after a long day at the dealership; our vacations, especially to Gray Goose Lodge with the Ringenbergers; but mostly our Christmases.....he always made them so special & fun! "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD" I love you & miss you so much!

    October 19, 2009 at 2:09pm ·
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    Janine Richards Lilly Thank you for this Katie. So many memories of my awesome dad. Everyone LOVED him and he taught us all the importance of family. He could get anyone to do anything, a real sales guy. But my most special moment was our father-daughter dance at my wedding. I wouldn't trade that memory for anything in the world. It WAS paradise.

    October 19, 2009 at 2:40pm ·
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    Gloria Richards Kermeen That's my girl, Katie. Way to start blogging again. My special memory? Telephone calls. I can still hear his voice, saying, "Gloria!" with such excitement that I was on the other end. My other special memory is the day Robert was born. In those days no one but the father could be anywhere nearby, but my Dad hung around and sweet-talked his way into the recovery room. No one could say no to Chet Richards - they were putty in his hands.

    October 19, 2009 at 4:44pm ·
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    Alli Richards Makes me sad, wish i could have met him! :( happy birthday grandpa!

    October 19, 2009 at 6:32pm ·
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    Sara Lilly I WISH I COULD HAVE MET GRANDPA CHET. I HAVE HEARD SO MANY AMAZING STORIES :( I LOVE HIM ANYWAYS :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA!!!

    October 19, 2009 at 6:54pm ·
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    Nicole Richards

    So, I remember many of those things... the brown leather, spinning chairs! The polaroid camera. The HUGE bed that took up the whole room. I remember cookies in a red and yellow package. And unfortunately, the day mom and dad came to pick me up from school the day that he died :(
    Sure do miss him, but was so lucky to know him.

    October 19, 2009 at 8:26pm ·
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    Samantha Lilly awhhl.

    October 21, 2009 at 4:11pm ·
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    Katie Kermeen Swisher

    Here's an e-mail Mom got from Cousin Barb:
    
    Dear Wonderful Cousin Gloria
    
    Thank you so much for sharing Katie's and the other remembrances of Uncle Chet. I, too, have wonderful memories of your father and would like to share just a few with you.
    
    I remember when we were getting ready to move to Florida and we bought a 1956 Buick from him when he worked at Monarch Buick. It was really funny when we were all in the car getting ready to take a test drive. As we started out the door, there was a raggedy older woman standing there with a wagon full of newspapers. All of a sudden, my Dad yell, "Duck" because he did not want us to be recognized by that woman selling papers. Uncle Chet said, "I don't know who that woman is, she hangs around here all the time. Well, long story short--that was "Cousin Lulie" a distant cousin on my Dad's side of the family. We never let Uncle Chet know that she was a relative. Anyway, we moved to Florida in that car in 1957. When I graduated from college and began teaching, my Dad gave me the Buick to use as a trade in on a red mustang--my very first car.
    
    I remember when your Dad conned us into taking a "hike" down Sugar Mountain in North Carolina. It really was a lot of fun and a LOT of exercise. I was smart enough, however, to bring some change in my pocket and when we got to the bottom of the mountain, I went into the Lodge and called Bud to come pick us up.
    :-)
    
    One time when you parents were here, I lent my Olds to you Dad. The front seat was broken (won't tell you how it got broken). Do you know that he took my car to King Olds and had that seat repaired for me.
    
    I remember when he came to Tallahassee when I received my doctorate. He brought you Mom and Grandma, and Katie, who was toddler. We had a great time and I remember him laughing so hard when I provided some entertainment at a get together at my place. I was doing a one-man band playing a harmonica, and a washboard. I had Mom join in with a Bombay Taxi Horn. We were doing, "She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain." Well, Mom could not get her part right--failing to "Honk" at the right times. I thought that we were going to have to carry Uncle Chet out. He always enjoyed the setting that he was in.
    
    I get to have a few more memories---just because I am 67!!! Watching you Dad go through the Candy Barrel in Valle Crucis, North Carolina was a thing to behold. He got some--no---lots of every kind of candy they had. He came away with grocery bags full of candy. After that, all the years we vacationed in NC, including on our way home from our last trip to Indy, we always recalled your Dad roaming freely through the Candy Barrel and hitting every fudge shop within a 20 mile radius of Sugar Mountain.
    
    Gloria, I have nothing but wonderful memories of Uncle Chet. He was truly fun to be with and he always made sure that everyone had a good time. He is truly missed but he will always live in our hearts through the beautiful memories that he left with us. The very best that he left, however, are my beautiful cousins, Gwen, Gayle, Gloria, Janice, and Janine. He lives through you all. Happy Birthday, Uncle Chet.
    
    Love To All
    Cousin Barb

    October 22, 2009 at 5:03pm ·
  • 

    Gloria Richards Kermeen She mentioned later that she forgot Danny when she listed her cousins.

My apologies...

I have been gone for quite some time. I apologize for keeping you all waiting. I'm actually fairly certain there aren't many of you left to read what I'm writing now! It's been a rough few months for us. If you haven't heard, you can read all about it here. I am going to try to get this blog going again now. Seems like when things fall apart, my writing is the last piece to be picked up. Hope you all stick around!

Leaving on a jet plane...

Tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Atlanta for a week-long class at Candler Seminary. I'm a member of PAUMCS - the Professional Association of United Methodist Church Secretaries - and this class is a certification institute. I'm not entirely sure what we will be learning, but MONTHS ago (when I signed up) I was sure I wanted to do it. Granted, I didn't know then that I would be a pregnant, tired, nauseous mess now, but I still want to participate in the class.

I hate to fly. I know the statistics say that I'm safer in the air than I am on the ground, but I still don't like to fly. Gravity and I have an understanding. I am a large woman, and as such, gravity makes sure that I am as close to the ground as possible at all times. Defying this arrangement seems unnatural, thus filling any time I spend on a plane with anxiety. Also - I had a really rough flight on the way to New Orleans earlier this year - one in which I was SURE the plane was going down, and I spent the better part of the flight clinging to my sister in fright and praying incoherently out loud - so flying REALLY doesn't sit well with me right now. Then take into account the fact that I am pregnant, and this has somehow created an anxious beast inside what was already an anxious beast, and well...you get the picture. Tomorrow will be hell.

I hate being away from Matt - especially now that I am having this baby. I will miss him terribly, and will count down the days until Saturday when he pics me up at the airport in Indy. I'm nervous about having to be alert all day every day for 6 days straight. I've been so tired and sick lately, that I've been spending a lot of time in bed. This week will definitely be hard! I'm just hoping to get some good shopping in, learn a lot in class, and make some good friends with my other classmates.

Okay - I have to pack now. We'll see if I get time to blog in ATL. :)

The Swisher Factory...

The Swisher Factory is open for business!

http://swisherfactory.blogspot.com/

Tonight in Hillsboro...

Tonight in a tiny town called Hillsboro...

-As I complained about swollen ankles and an empty stomach, she succumbed to the cancer that ravaged her young body.

-As I mindlessly thought ahead to tomorrow night's plans with my mother, sister and grandmother, her children and siblings were struggling to imagine what life would be like tomorrow without her.

-As I watched the clock in anticipation of going home to snuggle in bed with my husband, her husband was kissing the love of his life goodbye.

I'm so sad tonight at the death of one of our church members. Certainly to us it seems as though her life was much too short. Our feeble minds try unsuccessfully to understand the purpose and meaning behind such a cruel death. I am trying to remember that death is really just another part of life. I am not naive enough to think that any one of us is lucky enough, rich enough or strong enough to cheat death, so why is it still so hard to lose the people we love? Perhaps it reminds us of all that we have yet to do and say. It reminds us of wrongs that we have yet to right - or rights we want to right again.

Being in ministry during times like these always seems hard. I watch as Matt walks along side these friends of ours, and see how much it affects him. He may not have the overflow of emotions like I do, but the pain he experiences with these families is plain to see.

We must have faith, though, that God is true to His word; that He works in all things for GOOD. It's not good that this friend is gone, but we KNOW that God will work in this situation for GOOD. He always does - and we know that He will continue to do so. I am thankful tonight that this woman knows the lord, and that tonight she is with him in paradise. For Christians, death is always a sad thing, but we rejoice in the fact that this is NOT THE END. There is something more - something better - waiting for us.

I am mourning for this family tonight friends. My heart breaks for them....


And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
-Casting Crowns

Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast with Powdered Sugar and Strawberries

Apparently this is a big hit, so I'm putting down the recipe for you all to have and enjoy. Just be forewarned: I don't usually cook from a recipe, so these measurements are approximate. Feel free to put your own spin on it! The name is really misleading, because I technically didn't stuff anything. It's more like a French Toast Sandwich, but whatever...

Here's what you'll need:
8 slices Texas Toast (or another thickly sliced bread)
4 large eggs
2-3 tablespoons of milk (although, I was out of milk, so I used coffee creamer!)
1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 brick cream cheese - room temperature (you can put it in the microwave on defrost for a few minutes to soften it up if you don't want to wait)
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon powdered sugar
1-2 cups cut strawberries - depending on your taste

Crack the eggs into a bowl that is big enough to dip your bread into. Beat the eggs with a wire whisk, add milk and cinnamon, and beat some more. Dip your bread into the egg mixture, making sure to coat both sides of the bread. Lay the bread on a griddle that has been heated over medium-high heat (make sure you spray your pan with cooking spray!). Keep an eye on your bread, and flip the slices as they become golden brown. Burnt toast isn't as good (and it makes your smoke alarm pretty upset too).

In another bowl (or your stand mixer if you have one) mix the cream cheese and sugar together until the mixture comes to a nice, smooth consistency. I love my stand mixer for this, but if you don't have one, just be patient - it will come together before you know it.

Once your toast is done, take two slices and spread the cream cheese mixture between them - like you're making a peanut butter sandwich. I like a lot of the cream cheese on mine, so I used probably around 2 tablespoons for each sandwich. You use what you like. Sprinkle the powdered sugar over the french toast, and top with strawberries.

This would be really good with blueberries, raspberries or cherries too! You don't really need syrup on this, but if you want to add that, it's up to you. Ooooh...it might be yummy to try adding cocoa into the cream cheese mixture, making a chocolate cream cheese french toast....I'll have to try that one next time!