Music and me...

My friends at work tease me about being a "band geek". I'll admit it - I am one, or at least I was many moons ago. I went to band camp, wore the uniform, the whole deal. And you know what? I loved every minute of it. Laugh if you will, but for a long time, being a musician was my entire life. Most of my best friends in this world are friends that I made in band. Playing my flute gave me a sense of accomplishment. As I improved, so did my self-confidence. For quite a while, I was sure that I would be a musician for the rest of my life. I had plans to go on to study music in college, even got accepted to a music conservatory in Ohio. After I graduated from high school, I even played with an Indianapolis symphonic band for a while. Since I left the ISB though, I haven't really played much.

A lot has changed since then. "Real life" catches up with you sooner or later, and you realize that life won't always be as fun as it used to be. You can't always hang out with the old gang of friends, and you can't always live rent free with your parents, and sometimes you have to put certain dreams aside to let others take form. I guess that's what happened to me.

It has only recently hit me just how drastically my life has changed since then. My priorities are so different now. I can't tell you the last time I even picked up my flute. I'm feeling a little sad about it now, and so as I'm writing this, I'm listening to some of my favorite songs we played back in the day. Rhapsody in Blue is on...I love that one...

As I'm writing this, though, I'm realizing that maybe I haven't left music behind in the dust of life completely. Maybe it's something primal, maybe it's something about my upbringing - I just can't let it go. Though I'm no longer creating music with an instrument, I am still enjoying it quite a bit, and great music can still take me away to another world like it used to.

Maybe a day will come when I will be able to play with a group again. The opportunity has presented itself a few times in the past few years, but it just hasn't felt right. Then again, maybe I'll never play again the way that I used to. I'm feeling a little sad about that right now...

I'm such a dork, but I don't care. Today, I miss my band years. I miss creating music with my friends, and I miss the feeling of a song well played. It used to remind me that I'm part of something much bigger. Isn't a group of musicians a great microcosm of what the church should be? Each person playing their own very different, yet very vital parts to create a fantastic song? And you know, you can't take your eyes off the director for very long or you'll be pretty lost. Hmmm...maybe I'll have to think about that more.

I'm getting tired...and cranky...and reminiscent. Not a good combo. G'night!