Moving On…and on…and on…

It’s crazy to think that I haven’t posted a new blog since May 3rd…MAY 3RD! That’s just too long, and I apologize. If your only contact with me has been through my blog, then we have a lot of catching up to do! Buckle up…

Graduation

Matt graduated with his Masters Degree in Divinity from Asbury Theological Seminary on Saturday, May 19th. It was a great day. We had lots of friends and family there, and we had a great party to celebrate Matt. The one bad thing about that day? Matt didn’t have a job lined up for after graduation. Most of April and May was pretty tense at our house. We had a church we were talking to, but it seemed to take forever for them to make their decision! And then…

The Church

At the end of May, we FINALLY heard an answer from the church. Matt is now the Associate Pastor of Youth and Discipleship at Emmanuel United Methodist Church in Noblesville, Indiana (http://www.emmanuelumc.org/). This was exactly what we wanted! Our good friends and mentors, Jeff & Julie Buck, are in ministry there, and we have always thought it would be awesome to work with them. A few years ago, after a visit with the Bucks, we left the church, and I said something like this, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to work with them? Ohmygosh…it would be even better if the missionaries in parsonage moved out, and they let us live there!” Well…

The House

We now live in a parsonage! It’s our first parsonage ever, and I’m really happy with it. It has four bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a huge living room, a sitting room, a big kitchen, a nice dining room and a two car garage. It was definitely neat to move all our stuff from a one bedroom basement apartment to a four bedroom house! The church let us paint inside too, so it’s pretty much exactly how we want it. We moved in on June 23rd.

The Space in Between

We left Wilmore on June 1st. We moved to the parsonage on June 23rd. Where did we stay in between? My sister and her hubby are amazing…Kelly and Brandon opened their home to us, and let us live in their spare bedroom (rent free!) for the month of June. I am so thankful for them! They really are great hosts, and we felt right at home. I think Kelly was happy to have someone cook for them. I was happy to get to spend so much time with my sister, who I had missed terribly for the past 5 years! Plus, getting to play with Kamryn nearly every day was a complete bonus. Thanks Alyeas!

My Job

I started my job as the Administrative Assistant to the Indianapolis East District Superintendent of the United Methodist Church on June 4th. It has definitely been an adjustment from working in Admissions at Asbury. I’m WAY younger than everyone in the office (by at least 25 years or so), and it’s definitely less fun than Admissions was. I have been completely spoiled by working for Janelle! My new boss is great though, and he has made this transition much easier than I thought it would be. The other two Administrative Assistants in the office have been here 30 and 21 years, so they have been really helpful also. So far, my favorite tasks have been to send out the weekly e-newsletter to everyone in the Indianapolis East and Indianapolis West districts and to create and edit the bi-monthly newsletter for the area. I have spent a lot of time getting my stuff organized too. The person who worked here before me had a very different filing system than I could ever want! This is turning out to be a great job though. I like it more all the time.

The Cars

When we left Wilmore, we had one car: our little, gold Mitsubishi Galant. It’s a great car, but now that we live in Noblesville, and I work in Indianapolis (a 17 mile commute every day), we need a second car! The day we pulled into town from Wilmore, we went to our Honda dealership in Indy, and bought a green Honda CR-V. I love it! It’s exactly what I wanted (except for the color – I would have rather had red…oh well). The payment is quite a bit more than our little Galant payment was, but it’s working out just fine.

Emmanuel

We love our new church! Everyone there has been so fantastic. The kids in our youth group are fun and generally well-behaved (which is a huge change from the youth group we were a part of in high school!). Matt and Jeff are working really well together, and Matt is doing a great job with all his responsibilities. He has said numerous times that it doesn’t even feel like a job! I am waiting a bit before I get too involved, although I am going to start going to a bible study with some other women in the church tonight. I’m looking forward to getting to know some people my age. Don’t get me wrong – the kids in youth group are awesome and fun, but I do think I need some older friends too.

Buster Bluth

Since we are finally living somewhere that will let us have pets, we got a kitty our first week in Noblesville. We went to the Hamilton County Humane Society with every intention of bringing home a kitten, but when we got there and saw all the adult cats that hadn’t been adopted, my heart just broke! I wanted to bring them ALL home! Matt wouldn’t let me (thankfully), so we looked and looked and looked until we found the one we thought was perfect. He’s a two-year old, orange tabby cat with big golden/orange eyes who we named Buster Bluth. Buster’s name was inspired by one of the characters from Arrested Development, our new favorite TV series. (Side note: if you have never seen Arrested Development, go out right now and rent it, buy it, or borrow it. It’s three seasons of the most hilarious TV you will ever watch!) He’s a great cat! He loved to cuddle and have his tummy rubbed, and he really loves chasing lights from our laser pointer and hunting his toys. He will lay in bed with us every night, and usually likes to be touching both of us while he’s laying there. He’ll place himself right between us and meow in protest if we ever move and squish him. He’s too much fun…

I think that’s about it. Family is good. Friends are good. Life is GOOD! I hope to be updating this blog more frequently now. I have been putting it off knowing that I would have the huge task of updating our past 3 months. Now that it’s done, I can move on! Peace out.

Dirty Dancing

Last night was one of the highlights of my young life. After 20 years of watching Dirty Dancing at home, I FINALLY got to see it on the big screen!

To honor the 20th anniversary of the release of Dirty Dancing, it was re-released in theaters for two days only. Some of my girlfriends and I decided that we absolutely could NOT miss it, and bought tickets as soon as we could. It was amazing!

When Star Wars Episode 1 came out, I was at a midnight showing in Bloomington, IN, to see it with all the wackos dressed like Darth Vader. There was a lot of energy and excitement in that theater that night, but last night had even the craziest of Star Wars fans beat. When the opening credits started to roll and that first song started to play, the theater erupted in applause and laughter! My heart was in my chest throughout the entire movie, and when we got to that last dance scene (Nobody puts baby in a corner) I have to admit - I cried a little. It was a great night!

To top it off, we went to Baskin Robins right before the movie to take part in the 31 cent scoop night (proceeds went to charity). Not only did I get great ice cream for only 31 cents, BUT they had my absolute favorite flavor! The flavor that I only thought they had around Valentine's Day: Love Potion #31. It's white chocolate and raspberry ice creams swirled together with raspberry ribbons through it and raspberry filled chocolate hearts in it. AMAZING! What an awesome night...

Now Matt and I are cleaning the house and trying to get packed for our trip to Gatlinburg. It's supposed to storm the whole time we're there, but we're hoping that God can change that a little bit. Just in case, though, I'm bringing the portable DVD player. Wish us luck!

My Dad

This morning I received this e-mail from my mother. Read and enjoy!:

So, this morning, your Dad took the trash out, and just as he got to the curb his pants fell down around his knees. When asked if anyone was around, he said, "Well, someone was driving by. I just waved and pulled up my pants."

The Waiting

Here are four words that will give you a glimpse into my life: I love Tom Petty.

Simple.

There are some who will argue with my taste (Mike), but to those people, I say, “Back off!” I love Tom Petty.

Matt and I were recently in Cleveland to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Let me tell you something: the Rock Hall is amazing! It’s worth the trip to Cleveland just to go. When we were there, they had a big special exhibit just for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I cried. Seriously. I love Tom Petty.

My parents are musicians (did you know that?). I had a pretty fun childhood. While most of you were being rocked to sleep by the sounds of Brahms’s Lullaby, I was being lulled into dreamland by the sounds of The Beatles and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. When I was about 4 or 5 my favorite song was “The Waiting” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. For my fifth birthday I got to go to their concert. I don’t remember much, but I do remember reddish stage lights and Tom Petty looking down at me and smiling. Awesome. I love Tom Petty.

“The Waiting” is still my favorite Tom Petty song. I can’t tell you why. It’s definitely not his most accomplished piece of music, but for some reason I can’t help but love this song. It makes me feel younger, and it reminds me of a much simpler time when my parents were still faultless and heroic and my biggest problems in life happened when I tried to decide which Barbie to play with. I love Tom Petty.

Mom and I were talking on the phone today about my current life situation. For those who haven’t been keeping up, here’s the scoop: Matt is graduating in 24 days, and we have no idea where we will be going after that. Yeah. It’s a little crazy. Okay…it’s a lot crazy! We’re dealing. We do have something in the works that might pan out, but that is yet to be seen. Besides the job mess, we are also experiencing some fertility issues. I have been on some wacky fertility drugs for the past 4 months or so, and we’ve had no luck. (On a side note, I think I’m going to stop the drugs for a little bit. Just until we get settled somewhere…) Needless to say, most of my conversations these days end up being some variation of this: “Hi! Oh, no…we don’t know where we’re going yet. Yeah, we are going a little crazy. No, we’re trying not to be worried. Why? Do you think we should be worried? What’s that? Oh, no we’re not pregnant yet either. Yeah, I’m sure it will happen in God’s timing. Huh? I’m pouring sweat? No, it’s not hot in here. My drugs give me hot flashes. Yeah – it’s hilarious. You can stop laughing now. Seriously…”

I was having one of these conversations with Mom today when she began doing what she does best – saying encouraging things to try to make me feel better. They usually do make me feel better, and today they did not disappoint. In the midst of this encouraging pep talk, she sighed and said, “You know, the waiting IS the hardest part.” Huh? Mom loves Tom Petty too, it seems.

She then began to note the prophetic meaning behind me loving “The Waiting”. She reminded me that I have had to do a lot of waiting in my young life. I knew at the age of 19 that God wanted me to marry Matt. We got engaged soon after that, but didn’t marry until I was almost 22. For almost 3 years I waited to marry him while he was away at college. We’re trying to have a baby. Since January of last year I have been waiting for that little miracle to happen. I’m still waiting, but I hear from mothers that the waiting, at least in this instance, definitely will NOT be the hardest part. Now I find myself waiting to hear about our life after Asbury. It’s been an exciting experience so far, but I think I’m ready for it to be over. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night wondering where we will be, where we will live, where we will work, etc. I dream of a bigger home where we might get another bathroom, a garage, an office. Where we will be able to have pets and hopefully bring home our first of many children. The waiting has definitely been hard here.

So, what do I learn from all of this? Well, I’m sure God wants me to learn a bit of patience, but maybe even more than that He wants me to remember that in all of these situations he has cared for me, provided for me and never left me hanging. To God the waiting is not the hardest part. He sees beyond the waiting and beckons me to trust that He still has our best in mind.

I do love Tom Petty. Who knew when I was 5 that the song I was dancing and singing to would be a song that encouraged me throughout my life? God did. I love Him too.

“The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part”
-Tom Petty

A Brief Extolment of Memory Verses...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7

I have a friend who can spout this (and many other scriptures) by memory at the drop of a hat. She regurgitates it frequently and with such speed that you almost don’t understand what she has said. I have never really understood why she does that. Seriously – how much time in her life has she spent memorizing scripture? Probably more time than I have spent shopping for shoes and handbags...speaking of, I got new shoes last week. So fab! But I digress...

I never really gave her scriptures much thought – until this week. It’s been a rough week around here. Let me try to give you the short version:

Matt is currently 50-some days away from graduation. That’s right – our time here at Asbury is coming to a close. After 4 years of butt-busting, exhausting, sometimes-tedious, often-wonderful work, Matt is graduating. We have spent the last few years thinking that, around this time, we would get a call from our District Superintendent telling us what church we would be appointed to.* Simple, right? Wrong.

Because of a bunch of bureaucratic stuff, Matt is not getting commissioned at this year’s Annual Conference. He was assured, though, that he would have no problem obtaining a full-time appointment as a Licensed Local Pastor, and that he would be up for commissioning at the 2008 Annual Conference. Fine. We were a little perturbed at the time, but we soon got used to the idea. No biggie.

A couple weeks ago Matt received an e-mail from our District Superintendent saying that it was “highly unlikely” that there would be a full-time placement available for us this year. WHAT?

Oh my goodness. I freaked out. Literally. FREAKED OUT! For the past few weeks, we have been in a serious state of uncertainty about our very near future. Cabinet meetings were held this week, and we were promised a call from our DS about our placement options. It is Sunday, and we still have not received such a call. I have not felt this stressed out in a very long time! I’m so anxious about all that might happen. I have been driving Matt crazy! We’re both a little on-edge lately – especially these last few days. We don’t go anywhere without our phone!

We have quite a few options available to us. Two of those options involve the conference. Our DS could very well call us in the next few days to tell us that we have a full-time or part-time appointment. I think either one of those would be preferred, since Matt really needs to get in the conference and get his career started there. The DS could also tell us that there is no placement available for us, and that we are on our own for a year. We know of a few ministry jobs that are available in the conference that we could apply for, but then again, those aren’t certain either. Another option would be to not worry about getting a ministry position this year. We would move back to the south-side of Indianapolis and live and work for a year. The scary part about that option is that it’s a lot more expensive to live in Indy than it is to live in Wilmore! Besides the higher cost-of-living, we’re also going to be coming out of deferment for student loans, and will have to start paying those this summer. I really feel crazy right now. We have been looking online for apartments in Indy that we can afford, jobs that would pay us enough to sustain us, etc. I’m grasping for any control I can get over my life!

Today I finally became exhausted from anxiety. My stomach has been a wreck this week, I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been easily agitated, etc. A few moments ago I took some time to put new music on my MP3 player, and listened to some Jason Upton as I was doing it. This guy’s music really ministers to my spirit. There’s a song on this album (Faith) called I Will Wait that I just love. It has been the song on my MySpace profile once in the past, and has taken that spot once again today. I won’t put the lyrics here. Just go to my profile ( www.myspace.com/mrsswish ) and have a listen.

As I sat and took in this song again, I heard my friend’s voice rattling off that Philippians passage in my mind. Now I understand why she spent so much time committing those words to memory. Between that scripture and Jason Upton’s music, I have been so convicted this evening. I really need to have faith that God has a place for us – that He will continue to provide for us. He has never given me a reason to doubt Him.

*For those who aren’t familiar with the United Methodist system, I’ll give you my “I don’t know much, but my husband is going to be a pastor” version. The UM church is split up into conferences, and we are members of the South Indiana Conference. Our conference is split up into 9 different districts – our home church is in the Indy West district. Elders in the UM church are appointed, which means they don’t get to pick where they serve. They are at the mercy of the system. To get into this system, it has been a harrowing series of red-tape requirements including, but not limited to, psychological exams, physical exams, meetings with different boards, paperwork, etc. Once you are approved by the Board of Ordained Ministry, you are commissioned in the Conference and you become a probationary member of the Conference. Your probationary period lasts for three years, then you can be a full member. It sounds like it sucks, but the UM church really takes care of its pastors, so I’m hoping it’s worth it. I hope I got that all right. Don’t tell me if I’m wrong.

Mary or Martha?

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

-Luke 10:38-42


I am a Martha.

I want to say I am a Mary, but if I’m honest with myself, I realize I am a Martha – 100%.

Martha worries about cleaning the house when there’s company coming over.
Mary looks forward to the visit.

Martha spends all day cooking her best recipes for her guests.
Mary enjoys the meal with the holiest host.

Martha feels as though it’s her duty to tend to the dishes after the bellies are full.
Mary sits at the Lord’s feet and partakes in after-dinner conversation.

Martha thinks Mary is a flake – and a little lazy.
Mary thinks Martha is missing out on the best that life has to offer.

I am totally a Martha.


I love to have people over, but spend way too much time picking out the most impressive recipes, setting the mood with fantastic music and cleaning my house until I can’t stand anymore. When the guests arrive, I constantly wonder, “Are they enjoying themselves? Do I need to get refills? Is the music too loud? Does Joe really like that dish? Probably not – surely he’s just being polite. I’ll really have to try harder next time. Is the pie ready?”

If I were a Mary, I would stress less about what I cooked for dinner or played on the stereo and would worry more about whether I am soaking up every little bit of time with my guests that I could.

It took a couple really great friends to point this out to me.

My small group (and I do mean small – there’s only three of us!) met last night, and I began talking to them about life. Matt and I have a lot going on right now: infertility issues, job issues, ministry issues, life issues! I asked their opinion on something, and Mary Kathryn’s reply was, “What does God say when you pray about this?” I sheepishly answered, “Well, I haven’t really prayed about it so much.” WHAT? Why not? Seriously – when I stop and think about it, why haven’t I prayed about all of this? I want God to be the center of my life, right? Why wouldn’t I pray about HUGE life decisions?

I have been playing Martha for far too long. I make sure that we have all the resources we’ll need when we’re in ministry. I have some great quick and easy recipes in case we ever have church members stop in for dinner on a whim. I have spent a lot of time researching infertility and popping pills to help me ovulate. I spend every minute of every day running – trying to get everything in order. If I knew where we were moving in a few months, I’m sure I would have started scoping out what grocery stores to shop at, restaurants to try and hair salons to go to.

Not once have I taken time to just sit at my Lord’s feet and talk to Him about all that’s going on. I say that He’s the Lord of my life, but I have no idea what He wants my next steps to be. I know that this isn’t what He had in mind for our relationship!

Tonight I am going to take a little time just to be still and consult God on a few things. I pray that He forgives my Martha-ness…

Eggs, Sperm, and lots and lots of pills...

I’m not really sure where to start this blog. It’s been a rough couple days for me, but I’m so sick of talking about it, that I’d almost rather not say anything at all. I don’t think that now is the time to blog about everything that’s been going on, but I did want to write a bit this evening before bed. Maybe blogging about this will help me process it. Then again, maybe it will just stir up more emotions than I’m already feeling! (*CAUTION: this blog contains a few personal details that might make some a little uncomfy (especially the men). It’s not too graphic or anything, but I wanted to warn you…just in case!)

Matt and I have been trying for just over a year to get pregnant. Yup. That’s right. The biological clock has been ticking for a while now, and we decided to give in and go for it last January. Well, obviously since I’m not pregnant, we figured it would be best to chat with our doctor about it. I went in for my annual exam (ick) in January, and talked with my doctor then. The verdict is that I haven’t been ovulating. What?

*Lesson time: for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s a brief lesson. For conception to occur, the man’s sperm has to fertilize the woman’s egg. The egg is released from either one (or both) of the woman’s ovaries once every cycle. This is called ovulation. If I’m not ovulating, the sperm has nothing to fertilize, thus making the miracle of life impossible. My doctor put it eloquently when he said, “It doesn’t matter how much time the rooster spends in the hen house, if you’re not ovulating, you’re not going to get pregnant!” Let’s move on…

So, apparently he thinks I’m not ovulating. Because of this I have been thrust into the wackiest month of my life so far. Here is what it has looked like: The day after I went to the doctor, I started taking pre-natal vitamins every day. Apparently you can never be too healthy. I also started taking progesterone pills, and took those twice a day for 5 days. (Progesterone apparently made me have my period, which was about 16 days late when it finally happened.) After my period I started taking Clomid, a fertility drug, and took that for 5 days. Since then, Matt and I have been having sex every other day (come hell or high water) to try and make a freaking baby. (FYI: it’s not always as fun as you might think! There are nights when we’re just too tired, but we’re troopers, so we do it anyway.) Tomorrow I get to go back to the doctor to have blood drawn, and next week sometime I get to go to the doctor again to talk about my blood work. After all this, if I don’t start my period in a certain amount of time I am supposed to take a pregnancy test. If it is positive, I’ll let you know, so you can all start buying stuff for my baby. If it is negative, well, I get to do this all again next month. We’ll do this for three months, and if we’re still not pregnant, then we’re going to more drastic measures. Matt will be checked out, they will do an ultrasound on me to see if my tubes are open, etc.

Let me say this: it feels really good to have a plan. After 13 months of trying (and failing) to get pregnant, it’s really nice to have my doctor involved and to have the odds on our side for conception. I’m so blessed to have a great doctor and to live in a place where this is possible and to have a job that gives me great insurance to cover all this.

That being said: it sucks.

After all this time, money and effort, what if we don’t get pregnant? If I thought I was upset every month before, I can only imagine how disappointed I’m going to be if this doesn’t work. These artificial hormones have made me tired and really emotional (and I’m already pretty emotional already). I have said for a long time that I never wanted to be one of those couples that had sex just to have a baby. Sex is too much fun to turn it into work! Well, that’s exactly what we’ve done. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still fun, but sometimes it’s work. I have always thought it would be neat to know that we conceived our children in fits of passion and love for each other, not on a time clock.

I know that God works in crazy ways, but this is just wild to me! No one (to my knowledge) has ever had fertility issues in my family (unless you consider having too many children a fertility issue…arguments could be made I suppose!). My sister got pregnant in what seemed like a matter of minutes. Why can’t it be that easy for me??? (Meanwhile, I LOVE that kid! Kamryn is the cutest baby I have ever seen…)

Top this all off with the fact that there have been a lot of stories on the news lately about child abuse, baby killers, etc., and I’m just plain PISSED! Time magazine did a story on abortion a couple weeks ago too, and I can’t stand thinking about the fact that every day there are women out there killing the very thing that I want so badly. It literally feels as though my heart is breaking just a little every time I think about it.

Matt is very encouraging. He’s so supportive and loving…I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’m always amazed at how much God has blessed me with him as a husband. He’s the best, and I couldn’t have picked anyone better. I wonder sometimes if he’s more concerned than he lets on though. He’s really good about playing it cool just to make me feel better.

There are so many people in this world who have it worse off than me. I need to remember that every day. I also need to remember that I serve a God who loves me more than I can imagine, and who has my best in mind.

So friends, with that, I’m going to bed. I’ll keep you all posted on how things go. I covet your prayers. Love to all…

Can you hear me???

I don't know why I've been blogging in song lately, but I'm going to do it again. This is a song that I've known and loved for years, but last night Leslie, Mary Kathryn and I took a fresh look at it. We've been meeting weekly for a little more than a month now, and this song really seems to sum up a lot of what we have been talking about/working through.

Martyrs & Theives
-Jennifer Knapp (from her album Kansas)

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
That presses harsh hope against time.
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king, I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

There are ghosts from my past who own more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away.
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed.
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered 'til pallid and thin.
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blamefor the darkness I know I've let win.

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?

Well I've never been much for the bearing of soul
In the presence of any man.
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure –
In the arms of a sinner I am.
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand?
And like a lamp on a hill, Lord I pray in Your will,
To reveal all of you that I can.

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

Take a Break!

Take a Break!

My friend, Joan, put this on her blog, and I thought it was really fun to read! Check it out, and do one yourself if you want...

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

No cheating!
_____________________________________________

What's this year got in store for me?
"Quintet" by West Side Story soundtrack. YIKES!

What's my love life like?
"Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman. Pretty much...

What do I say when life gets hard?
"Everything is Broken" by Ollabelle - Yup...I would say so!

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
"Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5. More like "Harder to get my butt out of bed!"

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
"Love Me Do" by The Beatles - That's cute! (But I didn't dance to it at my wedding...)

What do you want as a career?
"Someday" by Embrace - Yeah, like someday I might find a career!

Your favorite saying?
"Trouble" by Coldplay - As in "______ is my middle name!"

Favorite place?
"Reach for Love" by Ollabelle. What is your favorite place to reach to for love? (sinner...)

What do you think of when you think of your parents?
"I Wish I Could Be There" by Marc Broussard - Wow...I do wish I could be at home!

What's your Pornstar name?
"Chocolate" by Snow Patrol - yummy!

Where would you go on a first date?
"Collide" by Howie Day - Um...I never Collide on the first date...

Drug of choice?
"All I Need" by Bethany Dillon - Nuff Said

Describe yourself?
"Little Drummer Boy" by Emmylou Harris - Yeah...Matt is really the little drummer boy - not me!

What is the thing I like doing most?
"Anthony" by Nickel Creek - I don't even know Anthony!

Song that describes the love of my life?
"Poppa Funk" by The Neville Brothers - WHAT???

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
"When You Love Someone" by Bryan Adams - *sigh* so true!

How will I die?
"In The Mood" by Glenn Miller - HA!!!

What does Christmas mean to you???

“Christmas” means different things to different people. To some, it is merely a word. A time of the year that signals a few days away from the office and great sales at the mall. To others, it is a frustrating time of fighting crowds, shoveling the driveway and wrapping gifts. And still, to others, it is a time of reflection on the year that is almost gone – a time of merriment spent with family and friends.

To me, Christmas has always meant family. Christmas was always the one time of the year that I got to see almost every member of my family at least once. It has always been a time of joy, of reconciliation, of peace.

As a child I remember being at Grandma Alice’s house eating her pumpkin bread late into the night and gawking at the gifts that lay under the warmly lit tree. As the gold lights cast an amber glow on our faces, we would crawl on the floor under the tree looking for our presents, only stopping for a short moment to glance at the nativity placed delicately among the trappings. For as long as I could remember, an angel hovered over that holy family with a banner in her arms proclaiming “Gloria”, and since that is my mother’s name, I was sure that angel was there just for us.

As I grew older, Christmas started to become less of a holiday and more of a hectic time for me. My calendar kept me at school functions, at work and with friends nearly every day of the week, and I had little time for family. Christmas was another item on my never ending “to do” list. It never occurred to me that Christmas would ever be any different than what it had always been.

Now Christmas looks very different. We still meet at Grandma Alice’s, but much has changed through the years. The faces of our family have changed. Some have been born, some have passed away. Some have married in, some have divorced out. The rest of us have merely aged. The house is very different as well. The smells in the house have changed. Rooms have been added on. There are many more gifts under the tree.

And yet regardless of all the changes that have taken place and have yet to take place, one fact remains unchanged. Under all the wrapping paper and ribbons. Under all the food and festivities. Under all the hustle and bustle, Christmas is about one thing: the birth of Jesus, our Lord. He lies patiently in a manger under our Christmas tree – amidst the sparkling gifts and the snooping children – waiting for us to remember Him.

“O, holy night, the stars are brightly shining.
It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
The thrill of hope! The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees, and hear the angel’s voices!
O Night Divine! O, night, when Christ was born.
O, Night Divine! O, night, o night divine.”

Gratitude

Here is a little something I wrote for my family at Thanksgiving a few years ago. I was inspired by the song "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman, and felt I needed to put some words down. I tried to find the song for my profile, but had no luck. You'll have to find it yourself! Happy Thanksgiving...

Hundreds of years ago, a group of rebels crossed the ocean, and decided to make a strange land their new home. Imagine what dreams they had on the boat! I wonder if they dreamed of the blessings God would bestow upon them when they arrived; the riches they would find; the feasts they would have. I'm sure the windy nights on the long trip across the Atlantic were filled with prayers. "Father, bring us water, food and peace." "God, Keep us safe." History tells us that not every day was easy. Not every person survived. Not everyone was warm. But history also tells us that, in the midst of all the turmoil and hardships, the pilgrims took a day to gather together and thank God for His many blessings, and centuries later we still come together to celebrate that day. Don't let today be just about the turkey and noodles. Look around you and let today be a day to thank God for what He's done for you. Remember that while you dine on stuffing and pie, most of the world dines on rice—if anything at all. Remember that while the children in our family make noise and get under our feet while we cook, there are a lot of couples yearning to conceive. Remember also that while you may be asking God to answer your prayers the way you want, He may have already answered them the way He wants. Take the time today to thank Him. Our Lord provides for us in ways we see every day, and also in ways we'll never understand. He deserves our praise! Please, enjoy this song, and while you do, I hope you take from it what I have. That God is bigger than we can ever imagine—His ways are not always like ours.

Gratitude

Send some rain, would you send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again. The sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.

Would you send a cloud - thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black, and send some mercy down.Surely you can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways,

And if that's the case…

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude, For lessons learned in how to thirst for you. How to bless the very sun that warms our face If you never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up, and warm us through Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs. Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time.

Or maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways,

And if that's the case…

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude - A lesson learned to hunger after You. That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead - if we never taste that bread.

Oh the differences that often are between Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace Move our hearts to hear a single beat between alibis and enemies tonight.

Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away,

And if that's the case…
We'll give thanks to You with gratitude For lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream - in abundance or in need - if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would you please…

Written by Nichole Nordeman © 2002 Ariose Music / ASCAP / Admin. By EMI Christian Music Publishing

Kamryn Diane Alyea

Kamryn Diane Alyea was born August 14th at 5:51 pm. She weighed 10 pounds, 1 ounce and was 23 inches long. Kelly and Brandon are doing really well, and I thought it was about time for me to post some pictures of Kamryn. She's such a good baby!!!
Dangit...I tried to post more pictures, but blogger is being retarded. The one it actually let me post is my favorite anyway. I'll post more later.

Wedding Dress

I don't usually post blogs like this, but what the heck? I love music and words, so go figure - God speaks to me through song lyrics. I just love this song, and I'd love to get some feedback from you all on it. I was folding laundry today and this song came around on the old shuffle order. It just had to stop and listen to it again.

Wedding Dress, by Derek Webb

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need
or is there more I’m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

God is just so amazing, isn't He? I'm constantly amazed at all the ways he reveals himself to us. Before I got married (4 years and 2 days ago), I never really got the whole "Bride/Groom" thing. Then on my wedding day, it suddenly made sense! Here I was: a young, naive bride walking down the aisle (the longest aisle in the world too - I swear!) to an unknown future. It's no wonder people freak out and leave people at the altar. It can be really scary! But you know what? I never once thought of running anywhere but to Matt's side. I was (and still am) so in love with Matt, that I would go anywhere (even to Kentucky!) and do anything just to be near him. Every step I took towards him that hot, July afternoon 4 years ago was a step towards a future I was clueless about. The only thing I knew is that we would be there together. I couldn't get down that aisle fast enough! Still today when I look at my wedding ring, I remember the love and trust and excitement I had that day. It's exhilirating!

I think that's how we should be with God, and now that I'm married I think I understand that's what God has been trying to tell us through all this Bride/Groom stuff. Matt and I have been here in Wilmore for over 3 years now, preparing for ministry. For so long we have had the goal of just getting through; of having a somewhat normal marriage even while we work and study and go; of trying to keep our eyes on God to remind us why we have sacrificed to much to be here. Finally graduation is just around the corner. May 19th of next year he will have his degree, and (hopefully) he will be comissioned to a church. Suddenly I am nothing but anxious. Am I prepared? Do I know everything I need to know about being a pastor's wife? Where will we live? Who will our friends be? What about kids? Will we be near our family? Suddenly I find myself wanting to stay here in Wilmore for a few more years while at the same time being so excited to get back to Indiana, I can hardly stand it. What gives?

The Spirit met me here at my computer and smacked me with conviction. Shame on me for not trusting God whole-heartedly. When has He ever given me reason to doubt Him? When has He ever NOT provided for us? He has always provided enough money, enough friends, enough food, enough friends to give us food when we didn't have money, enough health, enough strength for each moment, enough family that loves us, enough, enough, enough! Shame on me for not recognizing that God has given me a wedding ring too. He has promised to do what is best for me, to provide all I need, to be with me even when I'm not sure about where we're going. Shame on me for trusting my husband more than I trust my Lord, my Savior, my true Groom.

Yes, I am still nervous about next summer. I am only human, after all. This is what Matt and I have been preparing for the past 7 years. I knew when we got engaged that ministry was in sight, and here we are at the cusp of all we have planned for. So, with Matt by my side and God looking after us, all I can say is bring it on...

Happy Anniversary to Me!!!

So we have never bought each other anniversary gifts before this year. Usually we just go on a fun weekend trip somewhere close by, and call it a celebration. For some reason Matt decided to buy me a gift this year....Pretty isn't it? :)

He's the best, and not just because he buys me sparkly things. He really is a great husband, and the past four years have been amazing! It's such a great thing to be married to your best friend...

Friends...FINALLY!

Here's my big announcement:

I JUST COMPLETED MY COLLECTION OF FRIENDS SEASONS!!!

I know - I'm totally stoked! For YEARS now I've been saying that I wanted all 10 seasons on DVD. FINALLY I have them all! Since Christmas I have watched seasons 1 - 5 in order (much thanks to my oral surgery for giving me plenty of time to do so), and am working through the rest right now. I just ordered the final seasons, 8 and 10, from Target.com, and I can't wait to get them! I have been waiting for them to go on sale, and they finally did go half price. I'm a little ashamed to say that I have purchased 6 seasons in the past month. YIKES! I guess I should thank my boss for the promotion, eh? Anyway, I'm so excited...now I can start collecting another show! What do you think? Frasier? House? CSI? Leave me a comment with your suggestions!

Okay...so I'm realizing now that my life probably seems pretty lame when this is my big news. I would love to tell you that you're mistaken, but you're not! Wilmore can only be so much fun, ya know? Speaking of fun in Wilmore, it's a BEAUTIFUL day today! As soon as I'm done here, I'm going on a super long walk with my MP3 player, so I can enjoy the weather. THEN I'm getting in my pool where I will soak up some rays and relax. (Yes, I got a pool last week. I won't tell you how big it is. It will only make me look more lame.) I'm outta here!

Music and me...

My friends at work tease me about being a "band geek". I'll admit it - I am one, or at least I was many moons ago. I went to band camp, wore the uniform, the whole deal. And you know what? I loved every minute of it. Laugh if you will, but for a long time, being a musician was my entire life. Most of my best friends in this world are friends that I made in band. Playing my flute gave me a sense of accomplishment. As I improved, so did my self-confidence. For quite a while, I was sure that I would be a musician for the rest of my life. I had plans to go on to study music in college, even got accepted to a music conservatory in Ohio. After I graduated from high school, I even played with an Indianapolis symphonic band for a while. Since I left the ISB though, I haven't really played much.

A lot has changed since then. "Real life" catches up with you sooner or later, and you realize that life won't always be as fun as it used to be. You can't always hang out with the old gang of friends, and you can't always live rent free with your parents, and sometimes you have to put certain dreams aside to let others take form. I guess that's what happened to me.

It has only recently hit me just how drastically my life has changed since then. My priorities are so different now. I can't tell you the last time I even picked up my flute. I'm feeling a little sad about it now, and so as I'm writing this, I'm listening to some of my favorite songs we played back in the day. Rhapsody in Blue is on...I love that one...

As I'm writing this, though, I'm realizing that maybe I haven't left music behind in the dust of life completely. Maybe it's something primal, maybe it's something about my upbringing - I just can't let it go. Though I'm no longer creating music with an instrument, I am still enjoying it quite a bit, and great music can still take me away to another world like it used to.

Maybe a day will come when I will be able to play with a group again. The opportunity has presented itself a few times in the past few years, but it just hasn't felt right. Then again, maybe I'll never play again the way that I used to. I'm feeling a little sad about that right now...

I'm such a dork, but I don't care. Today, I miss my band years. I miss creating music with my friends, and I miss the feeling of a song well played. It used to remind me that I'm part of something much bigger. Isn't a group of musicians a great microcosm of what the church should be? Each person playing their own very different, yet very vital parts to create a fantastic song? And you know, you can't take your eyes off the director for very long or you'll be pretty lost. Hmmm...maybe I'll have to think about that more.

I'm getting tired...and cranky...and reminiscent. Not a good combo. G'night!

Pictures from NACCAP '06

If you've ever wondered what a Seminary Admissions Dance Party looked like...
Someone poured bubble bath into our fountain and then threw our luminaries in for a bath. Do we know how to make lemonade out of lemons, or what??? The best bunch of co-workers I could ever ask for!

Reunited...and it feels so good!

I'm so sorry to have not posted anything in so long. I have been pretty busy, but to be honest with you, I have wasted my blogging time on other things. I've been watching movies, driving all over creation, working my little fingers to their bones and (of course) shopping until I actually drop. I do apologize for neglecting you...whoever you are. Do I even have an audience?

Since I last posted, so much has happened. Where to begin?

Matt is doing well. He was certified as a candidate for ordination last month, so this whole pastor thing is really coming along. He's always doing well with his classes, so that should come as no surprise. Married life continues to be amazing and surprising all at once. I'm always so thankful that I have a husband who adores me, and lets me know it all the time...

We found out that Kelly and Brandon are having a girl. I'm so thrilled! Her name will be Kamryn Diane, and we should be meeting her on or around August 20th. I'm pretty stinkin' honored to be the little sweetie's middle-namesake. I even went through the first of what is sure to be many shopping phases for my tiny neice. Clothes, blankets, stuff for her nursery...I'm buying it all. I even put together a little gift basket of fun things for Kelly to take to the hospital with her. Can you imagine how much money I will spend when it's my own baby??? We're all so excited. It's weird to think that in just a few weeks my parents will be grandparents. I wonder if it has hit them yet?

Speaking of my parents, they're celebrating their 32nd anniversary tomorrow. 32 years! I don't think I could be more thankful. Most of you know that 2 years ago they were separated, so the fact that they are back together and renewing their relationship is amazing. God, you are SO GOOD!

Robert is doing well - as far as I can tell anyway. The boy never calls me. He moved to West Lafayette to live with his band, LUSH. They're apparently doing pretty well. Big praise: he is starting at Ivy Tech in the fall. YAY!

Most of my energy has been focused towards work lately. We hosted the annual NACCAP conference (http://www.naccap.org/) here at Asbury, and I did a pretty big chunk of the planning and organizing for it. During the week of the conference, I seriously worked almost 70 hours. It was crazy. My paycheck was pretty nice though! After the conference, our Assistant to the Director moved to Wisconson with her hubby and kids, so I got bumped up to her position. It sucks that she's gone, but again, the pay raise is nice. Next week we are saying goodbye to one of our Admissions Counselors as she is moving to Alabama to be in campus ministry at Auburn, and at the end of the summer another Counselor is moving to Spain for 10 months. Will the transition ever end???!!! It's a little stressful, but we know that God is good and He has great folks lined up to fill our office.

That's all for now...I do promise to try to get on here more often.

Kisses,
Katie

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink...

Matt and I decided that we would have a relaxing night at home. I'm trying to get laundry done, so I can pack for my trip. Matt wanted to grade some papers for the class he's assisting with. I had just settled on the floor to fold laundry and watch Jeopardy! when I smelled fart. I turned and looked at him and said something rude about how stinky he was, and he immediately denied the fart was his. A few minutes later, the smell got worse. "Seriously babe, if you farted, just 'fess up!" He still denied it, and in fact, he decided to investigate the odor.
It didn't take him long to find the source. "Oh Shit!" he said from the bathroom. Quite literally...

We live in a basement apartment. It's nice - really. I love it most of the time. BUT because we are in a basement, we have a funky sewage system. There's a pump in our laundry room (which is just off the bathroom - convenient!) that I like to call the "Poopy-Pusher". It lifts our sewage up and out, usually efficiently. Not yesterday.

Apparently something is backed up in the Poopy-Pusher, so rather than pushing it up and out, it just gurgled it all over our laundry room floor and into our tub.

I am completely disgusted.

We called our landlords post haste, and informed him of the situation. He came over, took a look at it and said he would call his buddy (a plumber) today. All I can say is that it better be fixed when I get home from work!

Silver lining? Matt got to use his new shop vac. I'm so proud...

*whoosh...whoosh...whoosh* (AKA the best Valentine's gift ever!)

My sister and her hubby went to the doctor today for their first check-up, and they heard the baby's heartbeat! YAY!!! She said it sounded like a whoosh-ing noise. I got all teared up just thinking about it! I can't believe my little sister is going to have a baby! I'm so excited...she's only 14 weeks along, and I'm already thinking about all the fun stuff I'm going to buy for it. Praise God for a healthy baby!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you are spending it with those you love...