Obstruction

This is Buster Bluth...




















He's our baby...I know that sounds stupid to a lot of you, but it's true. He has been the best cat: playful AND snuggly, and sometimes downright human. We love him so much...

He's not feeling well right now. He had a urinary tract infection a couple weeks ago, and we spent hours in the pet emergency room (and about $150) making him feel better. Since we returned from our Kings Island trip on Sunday, he's been acting funny. He's been peeing outside of his litter box (not normal at all...he never does that) and crying a lot more than usual. He's also gained some weight, and has not been wanting to play very much.

We took him to the vet this morning for observation, and the vet just called to let us know that Buster has a Urethral Obstruction. The doctor is sedating him, and will be putting in a catheter to clear the blockage. I called my mom with the news, and she let me know that she had a cat with that problem many years ago. She ended up having to put her cat down. I. AM. FREAKING. OUT.

First: we don't have the money for this procedure. It will probably cost almost $1000. I know we should have that much (and way more) saved for emergencies, but we don't.

Second: How many more times will this happen? Will we just have to plan for $1000 vet bills every year or more from now on? How much is too much to spend on your pet's life?

Third: We might be getting a dog soon. Will this stress out Buster even more? Yes. Will it be dangerous for Buster to have that stress? Possibly. Will it be good for Buster to have someone to play with? Most definitely. Ugh...the choices. If we had a child, and we're wanting another, we wouldn't NOT have another baby just because our first would be stressed out about it. People grow and learn and deal. Pets are not people...

So there it is - my drama for the day. I had intended to go to Bed Bath and Beyond today and spend lots of money on wedding gifts for the umpteen brides I know this summer. I'm not going to do that now though. They'll just have to wait! (Sorry girls...)

Pray for my Buster. Pray for my vet. Pray for my wallet.

Rhapsody in Silver and Blue

I am getting ready to have my 10 year high school reunion. Yes. TEN. YEARS. Ugh...


Some days it seems like it was just yesterday that I was a high school student. Oh my goodness, I was caught up in drama and boys and girlfriends and BAND...oh how I loved band...and school newspaper and ball games and boys and spring break and the fight song ("Home of the Silver and the Blue! P-M-H-S....THE BEST!"), prom and did I mention boys? I was ALWAYS with my friends, NEVER worried about much and OFTEN thought I was ready to grow up. I walked those blue halls with blue lockers, and dreamed of the day I would be older and carefree.

Other days that life I used to lead seems like it belonged to someone else. Like it's the plot of a book I read and loved years ago. The older I get, the less it feels like ME. Because really, there's no way I was a size twelve or a decent flute player or one of those mouthy girls who walks the mall giggling with her gaggle of girlfriends. That's not who I was, right? I've always been overweight and responsible and tired and out of touch, haven't I? Geez...

Did I mention that I'm planning my reunion? (Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. Why do you ask?) People keep asking me how I got the job of planning this shindig, and I'm honestly not quite sure. I thought I could help plan the event, since we finally lived in the area again. I got in touch with the Alumni Association at my high school, and was told that no one was working on the reunion. WHAT? No one is planning the reunion? We can't NOT have a reunion! "I'll get some people together," I said, and here I am. I'm not the class president (who should be planning this thing). I wasn't even one of the cool kids. I'm just some washed up band geek trying to get a party started.

I hope lots of people show up. We have a minimum food and beverage total we have to reach ($2000 - shouldn't be hard with the cash bar, right?). I hope that I look good. I was too busy planning this thing to get in shape for it. (Okay fine, I haven't been in shape for anything since I graduated...) I know people have Romy and Michelle delusions about what this reunion might look like, and I hope they're not pissed when I disappoint them. Do you know how expensive reunions like that are? Maybe in another decade folks...

So in honor of my impending reunion, I wanted to share something with you. This is the poem my Mom and Dad (probably just Mom with Dad's encouragement) wrote to place in the last issue of the school paper when I graduated. I loved it then, and I still love it today. I think it will be fairly easy to see that we love music in my family...

Princess Katie Diane

From House at Pooh Corner to
Opposites Attract
From Friends in Low Places to
A Boy Like That
From Rockin' in the Free World to
Rhapsody in Blue
From Love Song for a Savior to
OU812

You're our perfect Grievous Angel,
you're our Devil in Disguise
You're either Manic Monday or you're
Almost Paradise
You're such a Groovy Kind of Love, it's true
Do You Want To Know a Secret?
We're so proud of you!

Love, Mom & Dad

I Love the Eighties...

Why would anyone in their right mind leave the house wearing an outfit like this?















Or wearing makeup like this?















Well, for an EIGHTIES NIGHT of course!

As of 5:00 last night, I had no idea what I was going to wear to my friend Lisa's Eighties Night Bachelorette Party. I popped in my "Katie's 80's" mix on the stereo, went to work on my hideous eighties makeup, and the inspiration just flowed.

Matt helped me cut up an old orange shirt I had. The skirt has been in my closet begging to come out for quite some time. I didn't have bike shorts, but my bermudas worked just fine. And the "Like a Virgin" cross necklace? I picked that up in Houston a few years ago, and finally had the occasion to wear it! What you can't see in the picture is that I had two pairs of socks scrunched above my pink and yellow Chuck Taylor All-Stars. Top off this stellar outfit with bright turquoise eyeshadow, pink frosty lip gloss and the thickest black eyeliner this side of a trailer park, and you've got yourself an eighties princess! :)

We went bowling dressed like this. We went out to dinner dressed like this. We went to a bar dressed like this. AND yes, everywhere we went people stared, laughed and pointed, but WHO CARES? We had a great time. We all looked equally stupid, and we loved every minute of it. Who doesn't love a theme party?

I'm thinking of wearing this outfit to Lisa's wedding on Saturday. What do you think?

Runnin' Down a Dream

If you remember this post, you'll remember that I LOVE Tom Petty. Well, my man and his Heartbreakers are in town tonight for a sold out show, and I'm not going. Yeah, I know. We waited a little too long to get our tickets, and they were sold out before I could get them. We're going to see them in St. Louis in a few weeks though, so I won't miss him entirely. I'm just missing him tonight.

Did I mention that I live 3 miles down the street from Deer Creek - the ampitheater where they will be playing - ? Oh, well I do. That means that I not only will be missing the show tonight, but Tom will be 3 MILES AWAY! So close, yet so far.

As I pulled out of my driveway to come to work this morning, a tour bus drove by the house on the way to Deer Creek. It didn't hit me for a few seconds, but once it did I thought of turning the other way and chasing them down the street. That could have been Tom! (Yes, I also know it could have been Steve Winwood - the opener - but this is my fantasy...don't ruin it!) Tom Petty might have driven right past my house this morning. *sigh*

It's raining today - outside and in my heart just a little. "Baby don't it feel like heaven right now?" No. No Tom - it doesn't. I'll keep waiting though...it is the hardest part after all, right?

Here's a little treat for you - a snippet from Tom's DVD "Runnin' Down a Dream" where he talks about the first song I remember calling "favorite" in my life. "The Waiting"

The Great Panty Caper

Matt and I just went to JC Penny after our movie. I needed unmentionables. (I'm not sure why I'm calling them "unmentionables" in this post. I am most definitely going to mention them...)

I usually don't mind buying undies. Come on - everyone wears them. It's no big deal, right? Still, when I have to buy them, I will always buy something else with them (a purse, a pair of shoes, anything) to help divert the attention from the underwear. I don't care if you think it's stupid...

I had a lot of trouble finding something else to buy today. I tried a few handbags, but nothing got me excited. I almost bought a cute sundress, but Matt scrunched his nose just enough to make me think I looked like a cow in it. I tried to get Matt to buy a new dress shirt, but he insisted that he didn't need one. Finally, I put the panties down, and said, "Let's just go." He looked at me and said, "Don't you need those? Isn't that the reason why we came in here in the first place?"

How do I explain my "No panties left alone" purchasing philosophy? I know it's dumb...and I didn't want him to call me out on it, so I sucked it up and bought the panties.

As I walked to the register, I felt that package of undies burning in my palm as if it were a burning coal. I felt like EVERYONE (not exaggerating) in the store was looking at me, and judging me for the panties I was buying. Ugh.

Then we get to the register. There is a sweet looking older woman behind the counter helping someone else. I sighed a little bit. No big deal buying undies from an old lady! I was almost free. Out of NOWHERE this young dude with perfectly coiffed facial hair came to the counter and called me up. NOOOO!!!!! Suddenly I'm 5 years old, at the pool for swimming lessons, being pushed towards the diving board even though I DON'T WANT TO GO!!! I could feel Matt pressing me towards the counter. What could I do? I couldn't run. I couldn't throw a fit (although I really wanted to). I had to do it. I had to buy the panties. And I'm going to be honest people: these were not cute, sexy panties. These were BRIEFS! Full on, nude-colored granny panties. The kind of panties that only come out of the drawer on the three or four days of each month that I DON'T WANT TO BE LOOKED AT (let alone touched). At least they were "French Cut"...whatever that means. Oh - and to top it all off? They were on clearance. Yeah. I know. I wear grannys AND I'm cheap. Sexy, isn't it? (Go on...tell Matt what a lucky guy he is to have a catch like me!)

I am normally really friendly to people at the store (and restaurant, and gas station, etc.), but today I didn't even look this guy in the eye. I just swiped my card, grabbed my bag, and got the heck out of Dodge. I think I'll be shopping for underwear online from now on.

Don't be stupid...Get Smart!

Matt and I have had a really busy, stressful few weeks, so we decided to take some time and just go chill out for a while on our day off. We went to the new theater in Noblesville to see Get Smart. So many of our friends have suggested this movie. We finally caved in to peer pressure (come on, everyone else is doing it!), and I am so glad we did!

It's a great movie. GREAT! Great cast, great plot, great fun. Not too bloody. Not any real nudity to speak of (okay, one really funny butt scene, but it's just too cute to be offended by!). Not much foul language. It's just wonderful! It will definitely be a DVD purchase.

(For my new friend Karen - the Icee's were unavailable at our theater as well. BOO! We settled for Wild Cherry Pepsi..)

You're a handsome devil. What's your name?

Oh how my heart beats for John Cusack. Many years ago a friend made me watch Grosse Pointe Blank, and I was instantly smitten. Not too long after, I fell in love with High Fidelity (Are you kidding me? John Cusack AND great music? To die for...). Then I realized that he was in one of my all time favorite movies - Sixteen Candles. That sealed the deal. I have been loving John ever since. I'll watch a movie just because he's in it. They're not always the best movies, but he's always great!

The other night I was trying to find some sleepiness in front of the TV, when I saw that Better Off Dead was on. Um...yeah. I totally stayed up until 2:00 a.m. just to watch it! About halfway through I found the sleepiness I was desperate for, but John kept me awake way past my bedtime. Now my sleep clock is all funky, but I think it was worth it. :)

Hookers Like Big Macs Too...

I forgot to bring something for lunch today, so I found myself driving to McDonalds today for lunch. McD's isn't my fave, but it's really close, so I deal.

I work in a weird part of Indianapolis. One block south of my building is the ghetto. One block north is the artsy, old, EXPENSIVE neighborhood (read: the governor's mansion is just up the street from me). Although the ghetto is not far, I have never thought to prepare myself to encounter the likes of what I saw today.

Right there at my local McDonalds, standing on the sidewalk near the building was what MUST have been a full-fledged prostitute. She wore what seemed to be a strapless, tight black onesie, a thick gold belt cinched around her waist, and the highest stripper heels I've ever seen. The onesie stopped about halfway down her rear end, so the bottom half of each butt cheek was hanging out the bottom of her outfit. Oh, and would it be too much info to let you know that she had an ATOMIC WEDGIE as well? Ick.

Of course I went back to work with my lunch, and told my co-workers about this encounter. They didn't seem as surprised as I was. (Maybe I spent too many years in Wilmore...is this not shocking to anyone else???) One of the bosses in the office just replied by saying, "Prostitutes need lunch too. You can't live on love!" Oh my...

Shear Genius or Sheer Boredom?

If you know anything about me, you know that I am a HUGE fan of shows like The Office and Ugly Betty. And OH how I dream that Arrested Development was only "brilliant" without "canceled" being tacked on. Summers are always a wonderful time for fun in the sun, but are always a miserable time for television.

In the past few weeks I have found myself getting really excited about the season 2 premier of "Shear Genius," and I can't quite figure out why. What is it about Bravo's "reality" shows that gets me all in a tizzy? I do love Top Chef, but given my culinary interests, I'm not surprised by my affection for this show. I am not a professional hair stylist. I can barely get my hair to look acceptable before rushing out the door in the morning! Why do I love Shear Genius? I just don't understand...

Whatever the reasons, I was glued to the TV last night (thank God for DVR...no commercials necessary!) watching Shear Genius. I'm hoping Daniel (the cute little boy from Dallas) will win. I think he's great. Maybe these stylists will keep my TV on this summer while I wait for The Office to return. Christ knows I am chomping at the bit to find out about Jim and Pam AND the love triangle between Dwight, Angela and Andy. OH - and I would really like to see Michael give Jan the boot she deserves, and date Holly instead.

Facing the Giants

Matt and I watched Facing the Giants yesterday. We’ve been meaning to watch it for months now, and finally got around to it. I was touched by the movie, and here is where I begin to tell you why…

Let me start by saying that Facing the Giants is NOT my favorite movie…nowhere near it. It is your typical Our-team-sucks-but-watch-us-beat-the-odds kinds of movie that is intended to make you feel good and want to try harder in all you do. It’s a Christian movie as well, and in normal Christian movie fashion, the acting stinks. (Why, oh why can’t we have Christian movies with decent dialogue?) We found ourselves successfully predicting plot points, and laughing at the cheesiness of a lot of the scenes.

So why was I in tears at the end of the movie? Why would I take so much time out of my busy schedule to blog about a movie that isn’t really that good? Because Matt and I have some Giants we’re facing right now.

Life is really stressful for the Swishers these days. We are dealing with situations that make us feel angry and victimized and misunderstood. Satan is weaseling his way into our home like the jerk that he is, and we are feeling afraid and hurt and ready to quit. Our confidence is shattered, and we feel like we’re on-edge frequently.

Our hopes for a baby still have not been realized, and at times we are definitely feeling desperate and hopeless. God has been encouraging us lately through this struggle, but we still connected with the movie because of this as well.

As the movie closed, and Matt and I laughed at the cheesy ending, I couldn’t help but think about how many similarities we shared with the couple in the story. One glaring difference was clear though, and that is why I blog to you today. They prayed – we don’t.

We love God. We serve Him with our life and our vocations. We praise Him when things go well. We have never been good about praying together when we have trouble.

I just finished reading “The Shack” (AWESOME book – I’m sure I’ll blog about it soon), and in this book there is a lot of talk about sin and free will and God’s plan for creation. It became clear to me through this book that we sin because we ultimately want independence from God. Isn’t that just like us? Don’t we, as children, decide that we don’t have to listen to our parents, so we do our own thing? Don’t we get ourselves into trouble that way? Oy vey…what a predicament.

God desperately wants to be in relationship with us. He wants us to talk to him about our life, to consult him when there are decisions to be made. He wants to guide us, and he wants to help us become exactly what he intended us to be in the first place – dependent on him.

I don’t know what our future holds. It’s not really my business anyway. We may slay these giants, and we may not. Regardless of the outcome, it sure is nice to know that God is on our side, guiding us through the battle. Thank you Jesus…

The eternal band geek

I'm such a band geek.

I played flute in school, and I LIVED. FOR. BAND. Seriously. Marching band, jazz band, symphonic band, orchestra, pep band, etc. I did it all, and I loved it. For a long time I actually planned on making music my career. In college I played with the Indianapolis Symphonic Band, but once I got engaged to Matt, my music interested waned. Now my flute sits in the closet in my craft room, and only gets played once or twice a year. I'm saddened when I think about all those years I spent practicing, learning, playing...only to have my talent put on a shelf now. I still get out my flute and play now and again, and I always promise that I'm going to pick it up again. Play at church. Join a community band. I have yet to do any of this though...Right now my band days are buried deep in my past.

Although I no longer play, my band geek-dom can't help but rear its pimply head from time to time! Now and again I jump into stories that begin, "This one time at band camp...", and I still enjoy and appreciate great music. Yesterday, I was reminded again of my geeky past when I couldn't resist these at my local Staples store:

I apologize for the blurry picture, but I think you can still make out what the picture is of...

That's right folks - I bought treble clef paper clips! I love them, and I don't care what you think. These little babies make my band geek/office supply-loving heart go pitter-pat. :)

Geeky as I may be, I still do love music, and I will ALWAYS. BE. A. BAND. GEEK.

He has not forgotten me...

God has spoken to me through dreams on various occasions. One was so vivid I can still remember most of it to this day. It has not escaped my attention that obviously my mind is so occupied during the day that God can only get a word in edgewise while I am fast asleep! Last week God decided to speak to me through a dream, but unlike the other times, it was not my own dream. Apparently my mind is so consumed with myself these days that God is using my friends’ dreams to communicate with me.

Karen is a friend from Asbury. She and I worked together in the Admissions Office. She and I were never best friends or anything, but we got along well and had a great time working together. I haven’t really seen Karen much in the past year or more. We have moved back to Indiana, and the only time I’ve even talked to Karen in that time was for a quick minute when we were visiting Wilmore in December. Needless to say, she is not someone that I would usually confide in or keep up to date on the status of my life.

Out of the blue, I get a message from Karen on Facebook just after midnight on Tuesday. Here is what it says:

Hey Katie Swisher, Tonight is the second time in week that I've had a dream about you having a baby. Each time I have seen you cradling a baby saying "I'm blessed like Sarah. I have to laugh. I'm blessed." We need to talk. Send me your phone number. I need my beauty rest and I would rather be dreaming about a rich and handsome man. Not that you're not great to dream about.... Take this with you until we get a chance to talk — God is mindful of you and the desires of your heart — He has not forgotten you.Blessings and love,Karen

Um…okay God. You have my attention.

I wrote her back to give her my phone number later that morning, and she called me just a couple hours later. We were both surprised to be talking to each other, I think. She told me about the dream, and how she tried to just pray for me instead of calling. I think after the second dream, she knew she was supposed to call me. I’m so thankful she was obedient!

I’ve blogged on here about the issues Matt and I are having with trying to start a family. No doubt this call has totally blown me over! I’ve tried to figure out what this dream might mean for us. Obviously, the first thought I had was, “When am I having this baby?” J Then I worried about the “blessed like Sarah” part. Sarah was an OLD LADY when she had her child…am I going to be an old lady too? I swung like a pendulum between excitement for a child, and fear that I might be 50 when it happens.

It took me a while to realize what God’s message to me really was. How could I miss it?

“God is mindful of you and the desires of your heart – He has not forgotten you.”

Through all of this trying (and failing) to have a child, I have wondered where God was. I have wondered if he knew or cared about what we wanted for our life as a family. I know there are bigger things for God to worry about, but my God is bigger than that, and loves me and cares for me…right?

Right. Absolutely right.

This dream has given me hope again…a hope I haven’t had for so long. As friends and sisters and everyone around me has gotten pregnant, had babies and gotten pregnant again, I’ve become pregnant with hopelessness.

“God is mindful of you and the desires of your heart – He has not forgotten you.”

I don’t know why we are having so much trouble getting pregnant. Maybe I’ll never know, but knowing that God has not forgotten me is amazing. I knew somewhere deep down that he hadn’t forgotten me, but I guess that knowledge was shrouded by this hopelessness.

“God is mindful of you and the desires of your heart – He has not forgotten you.”

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for being mindful of me...of all of us. I have found hope again, and can’t wait to see what God brings us in the years to come…

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

Stormy Weather (cont.)

Thanks for praying for our friends. Their daughter passed away this afternoon with her entire family by her side. Obviously everyone was sad, but as we sat in that hospital room with them, I was really amazed by the amount of peace and joy that filled the room. Their daughter's broken body, ravaged by disease, was still there in the bed, yet all they could talk about was how excited she must be to finally be in the arms of Jesus. To finally be in heaven with Him. To finally be able to "feast at his heavenly banquet." She hasn't been able to eat much of anything these past months, so there was plenty of talk around the room about all the foods she must be enjoying with her savior. They talked about how she must be dancing right now. How there is no more pain for her now. That she ran a good race and finished strong. That her life during her battle with cancer this past year has touched so many people. That she had spent her last months on earth making people laugh, reminding them that God loves them and inspiring them with her fighting spirit.

I am so incredibly sad for this family. For these parents who watched their daughter pass on before their eyes. For the two young adults who lost their sister today. For the friends who had to say goodbye. Everyone will move on, but no before some serious, painful grieving. It is this grieving period that we must pray through now. We'll pray that God will sustain this family through their grief just as he sustained their daughter through her disease. He is mindful of their pain...

This young woman's life has left a huge mark on all of our lives. Thank you Jesus for being so evident in this situation. Thank you for not leaving our sides. Thank you for releasing Kristen from her pain, and for wrapping your arms around her. We know she is home.

I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!
(-Mercy Me)

Stormy Weather

It's 12:18 a.m. on Sunday morning. I should be in bed, but I can't seem to make it back to the bedroom quite yet. I'm burdened with sadness, and can't help but feel like I need to be awake.

Our friends are at the emergency room right now, praying that their daughter will make it through tonight. She has cervical cancer (caused by HPV), and was rushed to the ER earlier this evening because she was bleeding everywhere. This young woman (early 20's) has gone through so much in the past year or so. I can't imagine what they're feeling, what she's thinking, etc.

We came to the hospital, and found her dad outside giving an update to someone on his cell phone. Once he hung up, Matt embraced him, and all this hurting father could do was cry. Sob. Meltdown. He hung on to Matt with desperation for just a few moments, and then gathered his emotions together to let us know what was happening. "This is when it sucks to be a parent," he said.

We stuck our heads in the hospital room to say hello, but left quickly so as not to disturb anyone. The mother has been so strong through all of this. Tonight she looked tired, but stayed as calm as she could, and helped her daughter as much as possible. We hugged for a moment, and she thanked us for coming. We decided to leave, chatted with the father a little bit longer, and let him know to call us - no matter what time - if anything should change.

What do you do? What do you say to these people who are going through the toughest battle of their lives? How do you pray through something like this? I wish we could do something to make it better, but nothing I can do will heal this girl. No dish I can cook, no errand I can run, nothing I can do will make this situation better. I don't know words to say to people who have a dying child.

I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm hurting for this family. Please join me in praying for them. They need all the help they can get right now...

Star Athlete

Matt and I got a Wii a couple months ago. We love it! We looked all over for this thing, and couldn't find it anywhere. Finally Matt's mom and dad found it on their side of town, bought it, and we reimbursed them. (That's great teamwork, don't you think?) We play it nearly every day. Seriously. We love tennis. We love bowling. We love pool. We love racing cows. We love shuffleboard. We love darts. We love way too much about this system!

Our favorite game is probably tennis, with bowling coming in at second. We ROCK at tennis, and we're pretty good at bowling too. This sounds silly, but I've found myself thinking, "Wow! I'm really great at tennis! Maybe I'll play in real life, and I'll be some sort of tennis pro. Maybe it's a talent that I am only now discovering!" OR "STRIKE! I'm so good at bowling! The next time we go bowling in real life, I am going to tear.it.up!"

What I'm about to say will probably be no surprise to 99.5% of the people on this planet, but here goes...
Being good at Wii Sports does NOT make you a good athlete. Period.

I became painfully aware of this fact when Matt and I went bowling tonight, and I bowled a 70. Yeah. 70. What's scary is that this is not even my worst game! My worst game is like 29 or something.

So sorry folks...I'm probably not the next great tennis pro or bowling champ. I'm still the very out-of-shape-super-clutzy-unathletic Katie I've always been. Wii has not changed my athletic ability. It has possibly gotten me interested in tennis though...anyone want to watch Wimbledon with me?

Checking In

I know I promised I would be blogging more lately, but I've just been so busy! Who is tired of hearing me talk about how busy I am? (Katie raises her hand emphatically from behind her monitor...) Sometimes I think that if could just get rid of this job, I would have all kinds of time to do the things I need to do! Who wants to pay me to not work? (No one? Really?)

So that I don't turn myself into a liar (again), I have decided to share some of my new favorite websites with my dear readers (reader? anyone out there?). Just a few faves that have been keeping my attention lately...

www.jellyfish.com - shopping has never been so much fun! It's like a game and a bargain hunt all rolled into one. Give it a shot!

www.foundmagazine.com - interesting to peruse - it's amazing what people actually leave lying around!

www.rottentomatoes.com - great movie reviews, showtime listings, etc. all in one place!

http://gsalr.com - Who loves garage sales? If you do, you'll really love this website. You can search for sales in your area, click the ones you want to visit, and the website will produce the route for you! Amazing...

Okay - I'm done for now. I do have actual work to do. (I'm stalling on this 8 page newsletter I'm trying to publish...blech.) Peace out!

What's Next?

Hi, I’m Katie, and I’m a foul-mouthed Christian.

Ugh…that doesn’t sound good, does it? But that’s what I am right now. I’m having some serious issues taming my tongue lately.

I’m a part of a bible study/mentoring program on Wednesday nights this spring. It’s a 6-week program. I really don’t like the book that we’re going through (don’t get me started…it’s a tirade I’m not energized for right now!), but I do enjoy the conversations and the relationships that I’m building because of it.

Last night’s lesson was on purity. I always think of “purity” in relationship to sex, but we talked about so much more than that last night. This study really helped me understand that my foul language is a purity issue, and that hit home. The author uses a phrase in the book that helped me to understand more about what might be going on with me. She says something like, “What goes down in the well comes up in the bucket.” That little phrase made me realize that I must have a lot of muck in my well!

I talked with Matt about it last night, and after he listened to me jabber on and on about it, he said, “So what’s next?” It wasn’t the response I expected. I actually expected him to tell me about how my bad language has affected him, and how it bothers him when I let foul things fly from my lips. Instead, he said, “What’s next?”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. That simple little question packed a punch of possibility! It not only indicated that he agreed and noticed my little problem; it let me know that he thinks I can overcome it and believes that I will. I love him for that.

So what is next? I’m not quite sure. I really think I need to be careful about what I’m listening to, reading, watching on TV, talking about, etc. It really does have an impact on my mind. I also have some scriptures that I’m going to try to reflect on daily to really help drive the point home. I really do want God to clean out my mucky well…even if it’s going to be difficult for me.

Anyone else struggle with this stuff? Comment, and let’s chat about it!

Here are the scriptures I have decided to focus on:

Psalm 51
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 19:14
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
James 3
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Updates? Meh...

So, I'm realizing that I haven't updated my blog since the Ice Age...so sorry about that. Obviously it hasn't been a big priority for me lately, and I apologize for that. I doubt many folks actually read my blog, so I guess I'm not disappointing too many people after all. Still - I feel a little bad.

When we left off, I had said that Matt and I were taking part in a weigh-down of epic proportions. Sorry to say that we have lost all momentum on that as well. So now I feel like a big, fat failure...literally! Why is it so dang hard for me to find some discipline in my life? The good news about our weigh down is that we did lose some weight, and we haven't gained it back yet! Hopefully now that warmer weather is coming around, we'll make it outside for some exercise. We did get a Wii recently, and although it has kept us in the house, it has kept us pretty active! I'm fairly certain that I'm suffering from tennis elbow...

Church is good. Work is good. Family is good. Oh - Matt's sister is having another baby, so we're going to have a new little addition to our family! We're so excited to have another neice or nephew. Personally, I hope it's a boy. It's always awkward to say "neices and nephew" instead of "neices and nephews." Is that the most stupid and selfish reason to hope for a boy or what? :)

I promise I'll be blogging more. I keep finding some neato websites that I might direct you towards. Maybe it will become a weekly feature or something. We'll just have to see. Until then, here's one website you must check out: www.cozi.com. Matt and I have been using Cozi for about a month or so now, and we love it! It's a great place to keep our calendars, shopping lists, etc. So useful...

Love you all, and we'll chat soon. Later!

Swisher Weigh-Down

Many of you don't know this, but Matt and I are on a mission this year to GET IN SHAPE! We have started watching what we eat, making sure our portions are what they need to be, getting a little exercise, etc. We have some SERIOUS weight loss goals for this year, but are happy to be doing it together.

As of today (2 1/2 weeks into it), I have lost 11 pounds!!! I'm so excited to see some progress. I just wanted to share that joy with you guys. I love you all!

A Not-So-Holiday Greeting from the Swishers

http://goowy.box.net/index.php?rm=box_v2_download_shared_file&file_id=f_121047841

Some words I relate to...

I love quotes. This is one I found today, and reminded me of myself!

"Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity... we cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access, reassurance."
-A.E. Newton

Pictures of the house

Last week I posted video tours of our new house, but since it was dark out when I did the videos, I didn't get to show you the outside of the house. Here are some pics to ease your anxiety:

Look guyth! A TOUR OF OUR HOUTHE! I'm tho exthited!

FINALLY! A tour of our new house. We have lived here for about 2 1/2 months, and I just now got around to taking pictures/videos for you. I started this at about 10:00 tonight, so no pics of the exterior of the house yet. SORRY! I'll get them on here soon - promise. Start at the top and work your way down...

Also - I wanted to just warn you of two things. 1) the house is not immaculate. We hade the youth group over one night this weekend, and my Mom's entire family over the next. The house has been cleaner! 2) the audio sucks. It makes me sound like I have a lisp! I don't have a lisp...so don't be concerned. ENJOY!

THE END!

Moving On…and on…and on…

It’s crazy to think that I haven’t posted a new blog since May 3rd…MAY 3RD! That’s just too long, and I apologize. If your only contact with me has been through my blog, then we have a lot of catching up to do! Buckle up…

Graduation

Matt graduated with his Masters Degree in Divinity from Asbury Theological Seminary on Saturday, May 19th. It was a great day. We had lots of friends and family there, and we had a great party to celebrate Matt. The one bad thing about that day? Matt didn’t have a job lined up for after graduation. Most of April and May was pretty tense at our house. We had a church we were talking to, but it seemed to take forever for them to make their decision! And then…

The Church

At the end of May, we FINALLY heard an answer from the church. Matt is now the Associate Pastor of Youth and Discipleship at Emmanuel United Methodist Church in Noblesville, Indiana (http://www.emmanuelumc.org/). This was exactly what we wanted! Our good friends and mentors, Jeff & Julie Buck, are in ministry there, and we have always thought it would be awesome to work with them. A few years ago, after a visit with the Bucks, we left the church, and I said something like this, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to work with them? Ohmygosh…it would be even better if the missionaries in parsonage moved out, and they let us live there!” Well…

The House

We now live in a parsonage! It’s our first parsonage ever, and I’m really happy with it. It has four bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a huge living room, a sitting room, a big kitchen, a nice dining room and a two car garage. It was definitely neat to move all our stuff from a one bedroom basement apartment to a four bedroom house! The church let us paint inside too, so it’s pretty much exactly how we want it. We moved in on June 23rd.

The Space in Between

We left Wilmore on June 1st. We moved to the parsonage on June 23rd. Where did we stay in between? My sister and her hubby are amazing…Kelly and Brandon opened their home to us, and let us live in their spare bedroom (rent free!) for the month of June. I am so thankful for them! They really are great hosts, and we felt right at home. I think Kelly was happy to have someone cook for them. I was happy to get to spend so much time with my sister, who I had missed terribly for the past 5 years! Plus, getting to play with Kamryn nearly every day was a complete bonus. Thanks Alyeas!

My Job

I started my job as the Administrative Assistant to the Indianapolis East District Superintendent of the United Methodist Church on June 4th. It has definitely been an adjustment from working in Admissions at Asbury. I’m WAY younger than everyone in the office (by at least 25 years or so), and it’s definitely less fun than Admissions was. I have been completely spoiled by working for Janelle! My new boss is great though, and he has made this transition much easier than I thought it would be. The other two Administrative Assistants in the office have been here 30 and 21 years, so they have been really helpful also. So far, my favorite tasks have been to send out the weekly e-newsletter to everyone in the Indianapolis East and Indianapolis West districts and to create and edit the bi-monthly newsletter for the area. I have spent a lot of time getting my stuff organized too. The person who worked here before me had a very different filing system than I could ever want! This is turning out to be a great job though. I like it more all the time.

The Cars

When we left Wilmore, we had one car: our little, gold Mitsubishi Galant. It’s a great car, but now that we live in Noblesville, and I work in Indianapolis (a 17 mile commute every day), we need a second car! The day we pulled into town from Wilmore, we went to our Honda dealership in Indy, and bought a green Honda CR-V. I love it! It’s exactly what I wanted (except for the color – I would have rather had red…oh well). The payment is quite a bit more than our little Galant payment was, but it’s working out just fine.

Emmanuel

We love our new church! Everyone there has been so fantastic. The kids in our youth group are fun and generally well-behaved (which is a huge change from the youth group we were a part of in high school!). Matt and Jeff are working really well together, and Matt is doing a great job with all his responsibilities. He has said numerous times that it doesn’t even feel like a job! I am waiting a bit before I get too involved, although I am going to start going to a bible study with some other women in the church tonight. I’m looking forward to getting to know some people my age. Don’t get me wrong – the kids in youth group are awesome and fun, but I do think I need some older friends too.

Buster Bluth

Since we are finally living somewhere that will let us have pets, we got a kitty our first week in Noblesville. We went to the Hamilton County Humane Society with every intention of bringing home a kitten, but when we got there and saw all the adult cats that hadn’t been adopted, my heart just broke! I wanted to bring them ALL home! Matt wouldn’t let me (thankfully), so we looked and looked and looked until we found the one we thought was perfect. He’s a two-year old, orange tabby cat with big golden/orange eyes who we named Buster Bluth. Buster’s name was inspired by one of the characters from Arrested Development, our new favorite TV series. (Side note: if you have never seen Arrested Development, go out right now and rent it, buy it, or borrow it. It’s three seasons of the most hilarious TV you will ever watch!) He’s a great cat! He loved to cuddle and have his tummy rubbed, and he really loves chasing lights from our laser pointer and hunting his toys. He will lay in bed with us every night, and usually likes to be touching both of us while he’s laying there. He’ll place himself right between us and meow in protest if we ever move and squish him. He’s too much fun…

I think that’s about it. Family is good. Friends are good. Life is GOOD! I hope to be updating this blog more frequently now. I have been putting it off knowing that I would have the huge task of updating our past 3 months. Now that it’s done, I can move on! Peace out.

Dirty Dancing

Last night was one of the highlights of my young life. After 20 years of watching Dirty Dancing at home, I FINALLY got to see it on the big screen!

To honor the 20th anniversary of the release of Dirty Dancing, it was re-released in theaters for two days only. Some of my girlfriends and I decided that we absolutely could NOT miss it, and bought tickets as soon as we could. It was amazing!

When Star Wars Episode 1 came out, I was at a midnight showing in Bloomington, IN, to see it with all the wackos dressed like Darth Vader. There was a lot of energy and excitement in that theater that night, but last night had even the craziest of Star Wars fans beat. When the opening credits started to roll and that first song started to play, the theater erupted in applause and laughter! My heart was in my chest throughout the entire movie, and when we got to that last dance scene (Nobody puts baby in a corner) I have to admit - I cried a little. It was a great night!

To top it off, we went to Baskin Robins right before the movie to take part in the 31 cent scoop night (proceeds went to charity). Not only did I get great ice cream for only 31 cents, BUT they had my absolute favorite flavor! The flavor that I only thought they had around Valentine's Day: Love Potion #31. It's white chocolate and raspberry ice creams swirled together with raspberry ribbons through it and raspberry filled chocolate hearts in it. AMAZING! What an awesome night...

Now Matt and I are cleaning the house and trying to get packed for our trip to Gatlinburg. It's supposed to storm the whole time we're there, but we're hoping that God can change that a little bit. Just in case, though, I'm bringing the portable DVD player. Wish us luck!

My Dad

This morning I received this e-mail from my mother. Read and enjoy!:

So, this morning, your Dad took the trash out, and just as he got to the curb his pants fell down around his knees. When asked if anyone was around, he said, "Well, someone was driving by. I just waved and pulled up my pants."

The Waiting

Here are four words that will give you a glimpse into my life: I love Tom Petty.

Simple.

There are some who will argue with my taste (Mike), but to those people, I say, “Back off!” I love Tom Petty.

Matt and I were recently in Cleveland to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Let me tell you something: the Rock Hall is amazing! It’s worth the trip to Cleveland just to go. When we were there, they had a big special exhibit just for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I cried. Seriously. I love Tom Petty.

My parents are musicians (did you know that?). I had a pretty fun childhood. While most of you were being rocked to sleep by the sounds of Brahms’s Lullaby, I was being lulled into dreamland by the sounds of The Beatles and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. When I was about 4 or 5 my favorite song was “The Waiting” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. For my fifth birthday I got to go to their concert. I don’t remember much, but I do remember reddish stage lights and Tom Petty looking down at me and smiling. Awesome. I love Tom Petty.

“The Waiting” is still my favorite Tom Petty song. I can’t tell you why. It’s definitely not his most accomplished piece of music, but for some reason I can’t help but love this song. It makes me feel younger, and it reminds me of a much simpler time when my parents were still faultless and heroic and my biggest problems in life happened when I tried to decide which Barbie to play with. I love Tom Petty.

Mom and I were talking on the phone today about my current life situation. For those who haven’t been keeping up, here’s the scoop: Matt is graduating in 24 days, and we have no idea where we will be going after that. Yeah. It’s a little crazy. Okay…it’s a lot crazy! We’re dealing. We do have something in the works that might pan out, but that is yet to be seen. Besides the job mess, we are also experiencing some fertility issues. I have been on some wacky fertility drugs for the past 4 months or so, and we’ve had no luck. (On a side note, I think I’m going to stop the drugs for a little bit. Just until we get settled somewhere…) Needless to say, most of my conversations these days end up being some variation of this: “Hi! Oh, no…we don’t know where we’re going yet. Yeah, we are going a little crazy. No, we’re trying not to be worried. Why? Do you think we should be worried? What’s that? Oh, no we’re not pregnant yet either. Yeah, I’m sure it will happen in God’s timing. Huh? I’m pouring sweat? No, it’s not hot in here. My drugs give me hot flashes. Yeah – it’s hilarious. You can stop laughing now. Seriously…”

I was having one of these conversations with Mom today when she began doing what she does best – saying encouraging things to try to make me feel better. They usually do make me feel better, and today they did not disappoint. In the midst of this encouraging pep talk, she sighed and said, “You know, the waiting IS the hardest part.” Huh? Mom loves Tom Petty too, it seems.

She then began to note the prophetic meaning behind me loving “The Waiting”. She reminded me that I have had to do a lot of waiting in my young life. I knew at the age of 19 that God wanted me to marry Matt. We got engaged soon after that, but didn’t marry until I was almost 22. For almost 3 years I waited to marry him while he was away at college. We’re trying to have a baby. Since January of last year I have been waiting for that little miracle to happen. I’m still waiting, but I hear from mothers that the waiting, at least in this instance, definitely will NOT be the hardest part. Now I find myself waiting to hear about our life after Asbury. It’s been an exciting experience so far, but I think I’m ready for it to be over. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night wondering where we will be, where we will live, where we will work, etc. I dream of a bigger home where we might get another bathroom, a garage, an office. Where we will be able to have pets and hopefully bring home our first of many children. The waiting has definitely been hard here.

So, what do I learn from all of this? Well, I’m sure God wants me to learn a bit of patience, but maybe even more than that He wants me to remember that in all of these situations he has cared for me, provided for me and never left me hanging. To God the waiting is not the hardest part. He sees beyond the waiting and beckons me to trust that He still has our best in mind.

I do love Tom Petty. Who knew when I was 5 that the song I was dancing and singing to would be a song that encouraged me throughout my life? God did. I love Him too.

“The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part”
-Tom Petty

A Brief Extolment of Memory Verses...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7

I have a friend who can spout this (and many other scriptures) by memory at the drop of a hat. She regurgitates it frequently and with such speed that you almost don’t understand what she has said. I have never really understood why she does that. Seriously – how much time in her life has she spent memorizing scripture? Probably more time than I have spent shopping for shoes and handbags...speaking of, I got new shoes last week. So fab! But I digress...

I never really gave her scriptures much thought – until this week. It’s been a rough week around here. Let me try to give you the short version:

Matt is currently 50-some days away from graduation. That’s right – our time here at Asbury is coming to a close. After 4 years of butt-busting, exhausting, sometimes-tedious, often-wonderful work, Matt is graduating. We have spent the last few years thinking that, around this time, we would get a call from our District Superintendent telling us what church we would be appointed to.* Simple, right? Wrong.

Because of a bunch of bureaucratic stuff, Matt is not getting commissioned at this year’s Annual Conference. He was assured, though, that he would have no problem obtaining a full-time appointment as a Licensed Local Pastor, and that he would be up for commissioning at the 2008 Annual Conference. Fine. We were a little perturbed at the time, but we soon got used to the idea. No biggie.

A couple weeks ago Matt received an e-mail from our District Superintendent saying that it was “highly unlikely” that there would be a full-time placement available for us this year. WHAT?

Oh my goodness. I freaked out. Literally. FREAKED OUT! For the past few weeks, we have been in a serious state of uncertainty about our very near future. Cabinet meetings were held this week, and we were promised a call from our DS about our placement options. It is Sunday, and we still have not received such a call. I have not felt this stressed out in a very long time! I’m so anxious about all that might happen. I have been driving Matt crazy! We’re both a little on-edge lately – especially these last few days. We don’t go anywhere without our phone!

We have quite a few options available to us. Two of those options involve the conference. Our DS could very well call us in the next few days to tell us that we have a full-time or part-time appointment. I think either one of those would be preferred, since Matt really needs to get in the conference and get his career started there. The DS could also tell us that there is no placement available for us, and that we are on our own for a year. We know of a few ministry jobs that are available in the conference that we could apply for, but then again, those aren’t certain either. Another option would be to not worry about getting a ministry position this year. We would move back to the south-side of Indianapolis and live and work for a year. The scary part about that option is that it’s a lot more expensive to live in Indy than it is to live in Wilmore! Besides the higher cost-of-living, we’re also going to be coming out of deferment for student loans, and will have to start paying those this summer. I really feel crazy right now. We have been looking online for apartments in Indy that we can afford, jobs that would pay us enough to sustain us, etc. I’m grasping for any control I can get over my life!

Today I finally became exhausted from anxiety. My stomach has been a wreck this week, I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been easily agitated, etc. A few moments ago I took some time to put new music on my MP3 player, and listened to some Jason Upton as I was doing it. This guy’s music really ministers to my spirit. There’s a song on this album (Faith) called I Will Wait that I just love. It has been the song on my MySpace profile once in the past, and has taken that spot once again today. I won’t put the lyrics here. Just go to my profile ( www.myspace.com/mrsswish ) and have a listen.

As I sat and took in this song again, I heard my friend’s voice rattling off that Philippians passage in my mind. Now I understand why she spent so much time committing those words to memory. Between that scripture and Jason Upton’s music, I have been so convicted this evening. I really need to have faith that God has a place for us – that He will continue to provide for us. He has never given me a reason to doubt Him.

*For those who aren’t familiar with the United Methodist system, I’ll give you my “I don’t know much, but my husband is going to be a pastor” version. The UM church is split up into conferences, and we are members of the South Indiana Conference. Our conference is split up into 9 different districts – our home church is in the Indy West district. Elders in the UM church are appointed, which means they don’t get to pick where they serve. They are at the mercy of the system. To get into this system, it has been a harrowing series of red-tape requirements including, but not limited to, psychological exams, physical exams, meetings with different boards, paperwork, etc. Once you are approved by the Board of Ordained Ministry, you are commissioned in the Conference and you become a probationary member of the Conference. Your probationary period lasts for three years, then you can be a full member. It sounds like it sucks, but the UM church really takes care of its pastors, so I’m hoping it’s worth it. I hope I got that all right. Don’t tell me if I’m wrong.

Mary or Martha?

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

-Luke 10:38-42


I am a Martha.

I want to say I am a Mary, but if I’m honest with myself, I realize I am a Martha – 100%.

Martha worries about cleaning the house when there’s company coming over.
Mary looks forward to the visit.

Martha spends all day cooking her best recipes for her guests.
Mary enjoys the meal with the holiest host.

Martha feels as though it’s her duty to tend to the dishes after the bellies are full.
Mary sits at the Lord’s feet and partakes in after-dinner conversation.

Martha thinks Mary is a flake – and a little lazy.
Mary thinks Martha is missing out on the best that life has to offer.

I am totally a Martha.


I love to have people over, but spend way too much time picking out the most impressive recipes, setting the mood with fantastic music and cleaning my house until I can’t stand anymore. When the guests arrive, I constantly wonder, “Are they enjoying themselves? Do I need to get refills? Is the music too loud? Does Joe really like that dish? Probably not – surely he’s just being polite. I’ll really have to try harder next time. Is the pie ready?”

If I were a Mary, I would stress less about what I cooked for dinner or played on the stereo and would worry more about whether I am soaking up every little bit of time with my guests that I could.

It took a couple really great friends to point this out to me.

My small group (and I do mean small – there’s only three of us!) met last night, and I began talking to them about life. Matt and I have a lot going on right now: infertility issues, job issues, ministry issues, life issues! I asked their opinion on something, and Mary Kathryn’s reply was, “What does God say when you pray about this?” I sheepishly answered, “Well, I haven’t really prayed about it so much.” WHAT? Why not? Seriously – when I stop and think about it, why haven’t I prayed about all of this? I want God to be the center of my life, right? Why wouldn’t I pray about HUGE life decisions?

I have been playing Martha for far too long. I make sure that we have all the resources we’ll need when we’re in ministry. I have some great quick and easy recipes in case we ever have church members stop in for dinner on a whim. I have spent a lot of time researching infertility and popping pills to help me ovulate. I spend every minute of every day running – trying to get everything in order. If I knew where we were moving in a few months, I’m sure I would have started scoping out what grocery stores to shop at, restaurants to try and hair salons to go to.

Not once have I taken time to just sit at my Lord’s feet and talk to Him about all that’s going on. I say that He’s the Lord of my life, but I have no idea what He wants my next steps to be. I know that this isn’t what He had in mind for our relationship!

Tonight I am going to take a little time just to be still and consult God on a few things. I pray that He forgives my Martha-ness…

Eggs, Sperm, and lots and lots of pills...

I’m not really sure where to start this blog. It’s been a rough couple days for me, but I’m so sick of talking about it, that I’d almost rather not say anything at all. I don’t think that now is the time to blog about everything that’s been going on, but I did want to write a bit this evening before bed. Maybe blogging about this will help me process it. Then again, maybe it will just stir up more emotions than I’m already feeling! (*CAUTION: this blog contains a few personal details that might make some a little uncomfy (especially the men). It’s not too graphic or anything, but I wanted to warn you…just in case!)

Matt and I have been trying for just over a year to get pregnant. Yup. That’s right. The biological clock has been ticking for a while now, and we decided to give in and go for it last January. Well, obviously since I’m not pregnant, we figured it would be best to chat with our doctor about it. I went in for my annual exam (ick) in January, and talked with my doctor then. The verdict is that I haven’t been ovulating. What?

*Lesson time: for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s a brief lesson. For conception to occur, the man’s sperm has to fertilize the woman’s egg. The egg is released from either one (or both) of the woman’s ovaries once every cycle. This is called ovulation. If I’m not ovulating, the sperm has nothing to fertilize, thus making the miracle of life impossible. My doctor put it eloquently when he said, “It doesn’t matter how much time the rooster spends in the hen house, if you’re not ovulating, you’re not going to get pregnant!” Let’s move on…

So, apparently he thinks I’m not ovulating. Because of this I have been thrust into the wackiest month of my life so far. Here is what it has looked like: The day after I went to the doctor, I started taking pre-natal vitamins every day. Apparently you can never be too healthy. I also started taking progesterone pills, and took those twice a day for 5 days. (Progesterone apparently made me have my period, which was about 16 days late when it finally happened.) After my period I started taking Clomid, a fertility drug, and took that for 5 days. Since then, Matt and I have been having sex every other day (come hell or high water) to try and make a freaking baby. (FYI: it’s not always as fun as you might think! There are nights when we’re just too tired, but we’re troopers, so we do it anyway.) Tomorrow I get to go back to the doctor to have blood drawn, and next week sometime I get to go to the doctor again to talk about my blood work. After all this, if I don’t start my period in a certain amount of time I am supposed to take a pregnancy test. If it is positive, I’ll let you know, so you can all start buying stuff for my baby. If it is negative, well, I get to do this all again next month. We’ll do this for three months, and if we’re still not pregnant, then we’re going to more drastic measures. Matt will be checked out, they will do an ultrasound on me to see if my tubes are open, etc.

Let me say this: it feels really good to have a plan. After 13 months of trying (and failing) to get pregnant, it’s really nice to have my doctor involved and to have the odds on our side for conception. I’m so blessed to have a great doctor and to live in a place where this is possible and to have a job that gives me great insurance to cover all this.

That being said: it sucks.

After all this time, money and effort, what if we don’t get pregnant? If I thought I was upset every month before, I can only imagine how disappointed I’m going to be if this doesn’t work. These artificial hormones have made me tired and really emotional (and I’m already pretty emotional already). I have said for a long time that I never wanted to be one of those couples that had sex just to have a baby. Sex is too much fun to turn it into work! Well, that’s exactly what we’ve done. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still fun, but sometimes it’s work. I have always thought it would be neat to know that we conceived our children in fits of passion and love for each other, not on a time clock.

I know that God works in crazy ways, but this is just wild to me! No one (to my knowledge) has ever had fertility issues in my family (unless you consider having too many children a fertility issue…arguments could be made I suppose!). My sister got pregnant in what seemed like a matter of minutes. Why can’t it be that easy for me??? (Meanwhile, I LOVE that kid! Kamryn is the cutest baby I have ever seen…)

Top this all off with the fact that there have been a lot of stories on the news lately about child abuse, baby killers, etc., and I’m just plain PISSED! Time magazine did a story on abortion a couple weeks ago too, and I can’t stand thinking about the fact that every day there are women out there killing the very thing that I want so badly. It literally feels as though my heart is breaking just a little every time I think about it.

Matt is very encouraging. He’s so supportive and loving…I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’m always amazed at how much God has blessed me with him as a husband. He’s the best, and I couldn’t have picked anyone better. I wonder sometimes if he’s more concerned than he lets on though. He’s really good about playing it cool just to make me feel better.

There are so many people in this world who have it worse off than me. I need to remember that every day. I also need to remember that I serve a God who loves me more than I can imagine, and who has my best in mind.

So friends, with that, I’m going to bed. I’ll keep you all posted on how things go. I covet your prayers. Love to all…

Can you hear me???

I don't know why I've been blogging in song lately, but I'm going to do it again. This is a song that I've known and loved for years, but last night Leslie, Mary Kathryn and I took a fresh look at it. We've been meeting weekly for a little more than a month now, and this song really seems to sum up a lot of what we have been talking about/working through.

Martyrs & Theives
-Jennifer Knapp (from her album Kansas)

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
That presses harsh hope against time.
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king, I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

There are ghosts from my past who own more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away.
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed.
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered 'til pallid and thin.
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blamefor the darkness I know I've let win.

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?

Well I've never been much for the bearing of soul
In the presence of any man.
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure –
In the arms of a sinner I am.
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand?
And like a lamp on a hill, Lord I pray in Your will,
To reveal all of you that I can.

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid to bear all my weakness,
Knowing in meakness, I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
I am not afraid to let your light shine bright in my life

Take a Break!

Take a Break!

My friend, Joan, put this on her blog, and I thought it was really fun to read! Check it out, and do one yourself if you want...

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

No cheating!
_____________________________________________

What's this year got in store for me?
"Quintet" by West Side Story soundtrack. YIKES!

What's my love life like?
"Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman. Pretty much...

What do I say when life gets hard?
"Everything is Broken" by Ollabelle - Yup...I would say so!

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
"Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5. More like "Harder to get my butt out of bed!"

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
"Love Me Do" by The Beatles - That's cute! (But I didn't dance to it at my wedding...)

What do you want as a career?
"Someday" by Embrace - Yeah, like someday I might find a career!

Your favorite saying?
"Trouble" by Coldplay - As in "______ is my middle name!"

Favorite place?
"Reach for Love" by Ollabelle. What is your favorite place to reach to for love? (sinner...)

What do you think of when you think of your parents?
"I Wish I Could Be There" by Marc Broussard - Wow...I do wish I could be at home!

What's your Pornstar name?
"Chocolate" by Snow Patrol - yummy!

Where would you go on a first date?
"Collide" by Howie Day - Um...I never Collide on the first date...

Drug of choice?
"All I Need" by Bethany Dillon - Nuff Said

Describe yourself?
"Little Drummer Boy" by Emmylou Harris - Yeah...Matt is really the little drummer boy - not me!

What is the thing I like doing most?
"Anthony" by Nickel Creek - I don't even know Anthony!

Song that describes the love of my life?
"Poppa Funk" by The Neville Brothers - WHAT???

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
"When You Love Someone" by Bryan Adams - *sigh* so true!

How will I die?
"In The Mood" by Glenn Miller - HA!!!

What does Christmas mean to you???

“Christmas” means different things to different people. To some, it is merely a word. A time of the year that signals a few days away from the office and great sales at the mall. To others, it is a frustrating time of fighting crowds, shoveling the driveway and wrapping gifts. And still, to others, it is a time of reflection on the year that is almost gone – a time of merriment spent with family and friends.

To me, Christmas has always meant family. Christmas was always the one time of the year that I got to see almost every member of my family at least once. It has always been a time of joy, of reconciliation, of peace.

As a child I remember being at Grandma Alice’s house eating her pumpkin bread late into the night and gawking at the gifts that lay under the warmly lit tree. As the gold lights cast an amber glow on our faces, we would crawl on the floor under the tree looking for our presents, only stopping for a short moment to glance at the nativity placed delicately among the trappings. For as long as I could remember, an angel hovered over that holy family with a banner in her arms proclaiming “Gloria”, and since that is my mother’s name, I was sure that angel was there just for us.

As I grew older, Christmas started to become less of a holiday and more of a hectic time for me. My calendar kept me at school functions, at work and with friends nearly every day of the week, and I had little time for family. Christmas was another item on my never ending “to do” list. It never occurred to me that Christmas would ever be any different than what it had always been.

Now Christmas looks very different. We still meet at Grandma Alice’s, but much has changed through the years. The faces of our family have changed. Some have been born, some have passed away. Some have married in, some have divorced out. The rest of us have merely aged. The house is very different as well. The smells in the house have changed. Rooms have been added on. There are many more gifts under the tree.

And yet regardless of all the changes that have taken place and have yet to take place, one fact remains unchanged. Under all the wrapping paper and ribbons. Under all the food and festivities. Under all the hustle and bustle, Christmas is about one thing: the birth of Jesus, our Lord. He lies patiently in a manger under our Christmas tree – amidst the sparkling gifts and the snooping children – waiting for us to remember Him.

“O, holy night, the stars are brightly shining.
It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
The thrill of hope! The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees, and hear the angel’s voices!
O Night Divine! O, night, when Christ was born.
O, Night Divine! O, night, o night divine.”

Gratitude

Here is a little something I wrote for my family at Thanksgiving a few years ago. I was inspired by the song "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman, and felt I needed to put some words down. I tried to find the song for my profile, but had no luck. You'll have to find it yourself! Happy Thanksgiving...

Hundreds of years ago, a group of rebels crossed the ocean, and decided to make a strange land their new home. Imagine what dreams they had on the boat! I wonder if they dreamed of the blessings God would bestow upon them when they arrived; the riches they would find; the feasts they would have. I'm sure the windy nights on the long trip across the Atlantic were filled with prayers. "Father, bring us water, food and peace." "God, Keep us safe." History tells us that not every day was easy. Not every person survived. Not everyone was warm. But history also tells us that, in the midst of all the turmoil and hardships, the pilgrims took a day to gather together and thank God for His many blessings, and centuries later we still come together to celebrate that day. Don't let today be just about the turkey and noodles. Look around you and let today be a day to thank God for what He's done for you. Remember that while you dine on stuffing and pie, most of the world dines on rice—if anything at all. Remember that while the children in our family make noise and get under our feet while we cook, there are a lot of couples yearning to conceive. Remember also that while you may be asking God to answer your prayers the way you want, He may have already answered them the way He wants. Take the time today to thank Him. Our Lord provides for us in ways we see every day, and also in ways we'll never understand. He deserves our praise! Please, enjoy this song, and while you do, I hope you take from it what I have. That God is bigger than we can ever imagine—His ways are not always like ours.

Gratitude

Send some rain, would you send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again. The sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.

Would you send a cloud - thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black, and send some mercy down.Surely you can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways,

And if that's the case…

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude, For lessons learned in how to thirst for you. How to bless the very sun that warms our face If you never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up, and warm us through Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs. Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time.

Or maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways,

And if that's the case…

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude - A lesson learned to hunger after You. That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead - if we never taste that bread.

Oh the differences that often are between Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace Move our hearts to hear a single beat between alibis and enemies tonight.

Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away,

And if that's the case…
We'll give thanks to You with gratitude For lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream - in abundance or in need - if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would you please…

Written by Nichole Nordeman © 2002 Ariose Music / ASCAP / Admin. By EMI Christian Music Publishing

Kamryn Diane Alyea

Kamryn Diane Alyea was born August 14th at 5:51 pm. She weighed 10 pounds, 1 ounce and was 23 inches long. Kelly and Brandon are doing really well, and I thought it was about time for me to post some pictures of Kamryn. She's such a good baby!!!
Dangit...I tried to post more pictures, but blogger is being retarded. The one it actually let me post is my favorite anyway. I'll post more later.

Wedding Dress

I don't usually post blogs like this, but what the heck? I love music and words, so go figure - God speaks to me through song lyrics. I just love this song, and I'd love to get some feedback from you all on it. I was folding laundry today and this song came around on the old shuffle order. It just had to stop and listen to it again.

Wedding Dress, by Derek Webb

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need
or is there more I’m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

Because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

God is just so amazing, isn't He? I'm constantly amazed at all the ways he reveals himself to us. Before I got married (4 years and 2 days ago), I never really got the whole "Bride/Groom" thing. Then on my wedding day, it suddenly made sense! Here I was: a young, naive bride walking down the aisle (the longest aisle in the world too - I swear!) to an unknown future. It's no wonder people freak out and leave people at the altar. It can be really scary! But you know what? I never once thought of running anywhere but to Matt's side. I was (and still am) so in love with Matt, that I would go anywhere (even to Kentucky!) and do anything just to be near him. Every step I took towards him that hot, July afternoon 4 years ago was a step towards a future I was clueless about. The only thing I knew is that we would be there together. I couldn't get down that aisle fast enough! Still today when I look at my wedding ring, I remember the love and trust and excitement I had that day. It's exhilirating!

I think that's how we should be with God, and now that I'm married I think I understand that's what God has been trying to tell us through all this Bride/Groom stuff. Matt and I have been here in Wilmore for over 3 years now, preparing for ministry. For so long we have had the goal of just getting through; of having a somewhat normal marriage even while we work and study and go; of trying to keep our eyes on God to remind us why we have sacrificed to much to be here. Finally graduation is just around the corner. May 19th of next year he will have his degree, and (hopefully) he will be comissioned to a church. Suddenly I am nothing but anxious. Am I prepared? Do I know everything I need to know about being a pastor's wife? Where will we live? Who will our friends be? What about kids? Will we be near our family? Suddenly I find myself wanting to stay here in Wilmore for a few more years while at the same time being so excited to get back to Indiana, I can hardly stand it. What gives?

The Spirit met me here at my computer and smacked me with conviction. Shame on me for not trusting God whole-heartedly. When has He ever given me reason to doubt Him? When has He ever NOT provided for us? He has always provided enough money, enough friends, enough food, enough friends to give us food when we didn't have money, enough health, enough strength for each moment, enough family that loves us, enough, enough, enough! Shame on me for not recognizing that God has given me a wedding ring too. He has promised to do what is best for me, to provide all I need, to be with me even when I'm not sure about where we're going. Shame on me for trusting my husband more than I trust my Lord, my Savior, my true Groom.

Yes, I am still nervous about next summer. I am only human, after all. This is what Matt and I have been preparing for the past 7 years. I knew when we got engaged that ministry was in sight, and here we are at the cusp of all we have planned for. So, with Matt by my side and God looking after us, all I can say is bring it on...

Happy Anniversary to Me!!!

So we have never bought each other anniversary gifts before this year. Usually we just go on a fun weekend trip somewhere close by, and call it a celebration. For some reason Matt decided to buy me a gift this year....Pretty isn't it? :)

He's the best, and not just because he buys me sparkly things. He really is a great husband, and the past four years have been amazing! It's such a great thing to be married to your best friend...

Friends...FINALLY!

Here's my big announcement:

I JUST COMPLETED MY COLLECTION OF FRIENDS SEASONS!!!

I know - I'm totally stoked! For YEARS now I've been saying that I wanted all 10 seasons on DVD. FINALLY I have them all! Since Christmas I have watched seasons 1 - 5 in order (much thanks to my oral surgery for giving me plenty of time to do so), and am working through the rest right now. I just ordered the final seasons, 8 and 10, from Target.com, and I can't wait to get them! I have been waiting for them to go on sale, and they finally did go half price. I'm a little ashamed to say that I have purchased 6 seasons in the past month. YIKES! I guess I should thank my boss for the promotion, eh? Anyway, I'm so excited...now I can start collecting another show! What do you think? Frasier? House? CSI? Leave me a comment with your suggestions!

Okay...so I'm realizing now that my life probably seems pretty lame when this is my big news. I would love to tell you that you're mistaken, but you're not! Wilmore can only be so much fun, ya know? Speaking of fun in Wilmore, it's a BEAUTIFUL day today! As soon as I'm done here, I'm going on a super long walk with my MP3 player, so I can enjoy the weather. THEN I'm getting in my pool where I will soak up some rays and relax. (Yes, I got a pool last week. I won't tell you how big it is. It will only make me look more lame.) I'm outta here!